Dobber- Your post on the Cubbies was very intriguing. However, I believe that the Cubs (Hendry) will ultimately decline on making any major moves as they will "stick to their guns" and blast on with the same cast. With the All-Star break in effect as of now, all Cubs fans can hope and pray that jackasses like Soriano, Fukudome, and Bradley will find their swagger over the next few days. Lou needs to forget players' salaries and make a consistent lineup based on BA and OBP, not whatever it was he was doing before. Anyway, here are a few breakdowns of the BEST, the FORGOT THEY WERE ON THE TEAM, and the WORST of the Cubbies so far this season...
BEST
Lee- I've said for the past 3 years that D.Lee needs to be bumped down the lineup into 5th or 6th, but so far this season he's proven me wrong. Now maybe I only feel that way because everyone else has simply under-performed, therefore making Derrek's performance seem better, but realistically, he is hitting for a good average and his power seems to be back. Anyway, he has been solid again at 1st base, like usual, and probably deserves the 1st half MVP honors.
Ramirez- He had a great start to the season before getting injured and being out what seems like forever. I think when Aramis is healthy, he is by far the Cubs' best player, or maybe most important player would be better said. Everyone knows his defensive skills have tripled the last 3-4 years and he is an RBI machine. Hopefully, these few games he played before the break will help him get back full-strength for the 2nd half.
Theriot- No doubt exists in my mind that this guy should be batting lead-off each and every contest. He has speed, determination, some power, patience, and what all of the Cubs' other candidates don't have: both confidence and an edge.
Hoffpauir- This guy just never seems to disappoint me. Hey did anybody see how many homeruns he has? Yep, that's right... more than Bradley. I haven't seen how many fewer at-bats he's had, but I know it has to be a large margin. You may disagree, but I think Micah should be our starting RF until Bradley snaps out of it... big salary or not.
Marshall- I am glad that Marshall is a Cub. He has that "I'll do whatever it takes to play and to win" kinda attitude that everyone has to love. He has had a solid year, whether as a starter or middle reliever.
Zambrano- What a headcase, but hey the guy competes at a high level and his strong emotions help him do that. Yes, sometimes his emotions get the best of him, but he can keep doing it all he wants if he keeps producing.
Lilly- The guy is the Cubs' only All-Star. He's a class act. He's a leader. I wish we had two of him. Enough said.
Wells- What can you say about the guy? He looks good. Only 6 years pitching after a stint in "A" minors as a catcher? You really can't tell. He has been a nice complement to our rotation, although he is still probably expendable if the Cubs latch onto another big arm in a trade.
FORGOT THEY WERE ON THE TEAM
Harden- Seriously, does the guy still even play for the Cubs? I honestly forgot he was still on the roster.
Soto- What has he done? I can't say it's been good or bad... it's just been nada.
Miles- I had never seen the guy play before I knew I didn't like him in the pre-season. Oh yeah, and is he still on the team? I hope not. I'd rather see Fuld or Baker. Hell I'd rather see Les Lancaster make a comeback and play 2nd base before this clown. Did he go to the Craig Counsell School for Gayest Batting Stances? Terrible.
Dempster- Ryan may very well have the best ERA and have a nice collection of wins and quality starts and stuff, but he's been off the radar as far as I'm concerned. The Cubs' offense has sucked something awful this year and that has a big part to do with his confidence on the mound I'm afraid, but this is a guy that we need to be bigger in the 2nd half.
WORST
Soriano- Get your head out of your ass. You're making way too much cashflow to be sucking this bad. Lou's moving of Big Al down the lineup was about 2 years too late, but at least it's done now. I think he would still look good in the 2nd slot if he ever finds his swing back. If not, 6th is probably about right... or the bench.
Bradley- Milton is a waste of space. He should be watching from the bench as Hoffpauir plays in RF. Maybe if he changed his name to Parker Brothers things would be different.
Fontenot- Little Babe just ain't getting it done this year. I thought he came out strong at the very beginning of the season, but then just faded big time. Like Dobber said, this is another guy who needs to turn it around in the 2nd half or he might see himself in a different uniform.
Fukudome- I can't believe the guy is still batting lead-off. What a waste. I have such high hopes that he will one day be good, but the forecast for that is cold and bleak, with lots of hail and shit falling from the sky. Too far?
Gregg- It may be a bit harsh to put Gregg in the "worst" category, but he deserves to go somewhere and it sure as hell isn't in the "best." Maybe I just harbor bad thoughts because the guy seems like a massive tool. He's been a lot better lately which has been nice, but he still scares me like Alfonseca and Beck used to do. I would prefer that the Cubs bring back Mitch "The Wild Thing" Williams as closer. Maybe Tom "Flash" Gordon? Any other ex-Cubs closers with stupid nicknames?
In continuation of my last comment, I am officially starting a contest for best nickname for Kevin Gregg... I will start off the bidding with Kevin "No Personality" Gregg. Lame? Maybe. True? Definitely.
Adios amigos.
Ace
Monday, July 13, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Dobber's Cubs Trade Wish List
As the midseason vastly approaches, any Cubs fan must come to the realization that in its current form, this Cubs team is nothing more than mediocre. The Cubs do have a boat load of talented players, who statistics say should rebound for strong (or even massive) second half seasons. Nevertheless, this current Cubs teams has some holes to fill if they indeed intend to return to the postseason again this year.
I would love to throw out wild scenarios where the Cubs could dump some underachieving veterans in the outfield, but looking at the contracts still owed (figures include entire 2009 season salaries) Soriano (6 yrs @ $100M), Fukudome (3 yr @ $36M) and Bradley (3 yr @ $30M), this just isn't a reality.
Here's where the Dobber thinks the Cubbies need to improve, which players could fit the bill, and what current Cubs could be expendable.
Bullpen
Needed: The Cubs could stand to add another lefty into the bullpen to complement Sean Marshall, but in reality, any reliable RP would be a big addition to the Cubs current pen.
The Target: Houston Street (CL, COL - 1 yr @ $4.5M)
The Likelihood: Street is a very attractive bullpen arm who has a contract that could match up to the Cubs, providing the Cubbies could offer a package of young arms that Colorado would find attractive. The big hurdle in any Street deal though is the Rockies position to make the post seasn. Due to playing in the same division as the Dodgers, the Rockies are currently 8.5 out in the NL West. However, the Rockies are only 1 game out in the Wild Card. Unless the Rockies take a tumble in July, the likelihood of Colorado dealing their closer is slim at best.
The Target: John Grabow (RP, PIT - 1 yr @ $2.3M)
The Likelihood: Grawbow's name has been popping up all over trade rumors for weeks now. And why not? The Pirates stink and seem to be in one of the biggest fire-sale modes in recent memory. Grabow has big league experience and the biggest draw to the Cubs is that he doesn't walk many batters. Hendry should take notice of Grabow, as he could likely be had for a prospect in the Cubs farm system. Not that the Cubs have a ton of prospects that other teams salivate for, but certainly they have an arm (Hart, Patton, Ascanio) that could interest the Pirates.
The Target: George Sherill (RP, BAL - 1 yr @ $2.5M)
The Likelihood: Sherill has netted 48 saves over the past two seasons and would be a great acuqisition for the Cubs. Although would the Cubs be able to pry Sherill from the Orioles? Jim Hendry has shown a propensity of dealing with the Orioles in the past. However, in order to land Sherill, Hendry would likely have to depart with a young arm the Orioles such as Samardjzia, Marshall or Guzman. Would the Cubs be willing to part with one of these promising arms at a chance for another shot at the postseason? The Dobber doesn't think so.
The Target: Chad Qualls (RP, ARI - 1 yr @ $2.5M)
The Likelihood: Qualls is intriguing because he has been both healthy and consistent over his career. Plus he plays for the D-Backs, who should consider all trades that come their way. I think Qualls could be a nice acquisition and someone the Cubs might be able to pry away for a couple of prospects. Keep a read on this one, as a Qualls trade just seems to have Hendry written all over it.
The Verdict: Street and Sherill are long shots, but Qualls, Grabow, or a comparable pitcher are defintely likely. The bullpen is cause for concern and look for Hendry to address this before July 31st.
Middle Infield
Needed: A middle infielder who can hit above the Mendoza line. Preferrably a higher OBP guy who could give Lou "another leadoff option" and move Soriano down in the lineup where he so frankly deserves. Hendry would likely prefer a 2B, but a SS that would move Theriot to 2B isn't out of the question.
The Target: Freddy Sanchez (2B, PIT - 2 yrs @ $12.6M)
The Likelihood: While the likelihood doesn't appear high, the Pirates are selling starts off left and right. Plus, Hendry has been known to work deadline deals with the Pirates in the past, so why not? But with Sanchez's contract and the word that the Cubs inability to add payroll, Sanchez in a Cubs uniform is likely nothing more than a pipe dream.
The Target: Felipe Lopez (2B, ARI - 1 yr@ $3.5M)
The Likelihood: The D-Backs are going no where this year and should hit fire-sale mode sometime soon. With Lopez's impending free agent status, it would be in the D-Backs best interest to get something for him while they can. Providing Lopez keeps up his strong start this year, Lopez could be a steal for the Cubs.
The Target: Julio Lugo (SS, BOS - 2 yr @ $18M)
The Likelihood: The Lugo contract has been widely ridiculed the last two years and Lugo has not performed up to the $9M a year deal he signed prior to the 2007 campaign. Lugo is having a nice bounce back year, but in order for a Lugo deal to work out, Boston would likely have to take Miles, his bad contract and eat some of Lugo's salary too. With Lugo actually hitting the ball and getting on base this season, while Miles can't hit or stay healthy, this is nothing more than an idea with no chance of becoming a reality.
The Target: Cristian Guzman (SS, WAS - 1 yr @ $8M)
The Likelihood: Guzman is having a very productive and healthy season for the Nats, but the fact of the matter is the Nats stink. They should be looking to ditch payroll and get young players they can control over the next few years. While the Cubs may have a few players that fit that bill, the bigger problem is that they likely can't add the payroll this season. Even if the Cubs could get the Nats to take Miles, they still would have to add about $5.5M in salary this season, and that doesn't seem likely.
The Verdict: Unless the Cubs are allowed to add payroll, the choices of impact middle infielders seem limited to either Lopez or hope a combination of Miles/Fontenot can rebound for a strong second half.
Cubs Tradeable Commodities:
Mike Fontenot - Fontenot is under team control at the league minimum for two more seasons, so he could be a guy other teams take a look at. Mike hasn't played particularly well this season, but a change of scenary state of mind might make other teams take a look.
Aaron Miles - Signing Miles to a 2 yr @ $4.9M contract seems to be one of Hendry's big offseason mistakes. Although for for every reason the Cubs would want to deal Miles is the exact reason other teams don't want him.
Micah Hoffpauir - Hoffpauir is likely only intriguing to AL teams, but could help fetch a much needed middle INF or bullpen arm that the Cubs need. Hoffpauir could raise interest to any NL teams who could use a 1B, but that list likely only contains the D-Backs and Giants.
Jake Fox - As with Hoffpauir, Fox is likely best suited for the AL. His recent work at 3B could make it attractive to other NL teams, but Fox will likely gain the most interest from AL teams looking for a DH or impact bat off the bench.
Sam Fuld - Fuld's first two games since being called up on July 1 could make him attractive trade bait to teams looking for good yound talent. While Fuld looks like he can play, unless he learns to play 2B, he's stuck in the Cubs organizational depth chart. It would be nice to keep good young talent, but for a team that's built to win now, the Cubs are better off getting an MLB ready player in a position they need help in rather than holding onto a player who likely won't get everyday playing time for at least a few more years.
I would love to throw out wild scenarios where the Cubs could dump some underachieving veterans in the outfield, but looking at the contracts still owed (figures include entire 2009 season salaries) Soriano (6 yrs @ $100M), Fukudome (3 yr @ $36M) and Bradley (3 yr @ $30M), this just isn't a reality.
Here's where the Dobber thinks the Cubbies need to improve, which players could fit the bill, and what current Cubs could be expendable.
Bullpen
Needed: The Cubs could stand to add another lefty into the bullpen to complement Sean Marshall, but in reality, any reliable RP would be a big addition to the Cubs current pen.
The Target: Houston Street (CL, COL - 1 yr @ $4.5M)
The Likelihood: Street is a very attractive bullpen arm who has a contract that could match up to the Cubs, providing the Cubbies could offer a package of young arms that Colorado would find attractive. The big hurdle in any Street deal though is the Rockies position to make the post seasn. Due to playing in the same division as the Dodgers, the Rockies are currently 8.5 out in the NL West. However, the Rockies are only 1 game out in the Wild Card. Unless the Rockies take a tumble in July, the likelihood of Colorado dealing their closer is slim at best.
The Target: John Grabow (RP, PIT - 1 yr @ $2.3M)
The Likelihood: Grawbow's name has been popping up all over trade rumors for weeks now. And why not? The Pirates stink and seem to be in one of the biggest fire-sale modes in recent memory. Grabow has big league experience and the biggest draw to the Cubs is that he doesn't walk many batters. Hendry should take notice of Grabow, as he could likely be had for a prospect in the Cubs farm system. Not that the Cubs have a ton of prospects that other teams salivate for, but certainly they have an arm (Hart, Patton, Ascanio) that could interest the Pirates.
The Target: George Sherill (RP, BAL - 1 yr @ $2.5M)
The Likelihood: Sherill has netted 48 saves over the past two seasons and would be a great acuqisition for the Cubs. Although would the Cubs be able to pry Sherill from the Orioles? Jim Hendry has shown a propensity of dealing with the Orioles in the past. However, in order to land Sherill, Hendry would likely have to depart with a young arm the Orioles such as Samardjzia, Marshall or Guzman. Would the Cubs be willing to part with one of these promising arms at a chance for another shot at the postseason? The Dobber doesn't think so.
The Target: Chad Qualls (RP, ARI - 1 yr @ $2.5M)
The Likelihood: Qualls is intriguing because he has been both healthy and consistent over his career. Plus he plays for the D-Backs, who should consider all trades that come their way. I think Qualls could be a nice acquisition and someone the Cubs might be able to pry away for a couple of prospects. Keep a read on this one, as a Qualls trade just seems to have Hendry written all over it.
The Verdict: Street and Sherill are long shots, but Qualls, Grabow, or a comparable pitcher are defintely likely. The bullpen is cause for concern and look for Hendry to address this before July 31st.
Middle Infield
Needed: A middle infielder who can hit above the Mendoza line. Preferrably a higher OBP guy who could give Lou "another leadoff option" and move Soriano down in the lineup where he so frankly deserves. Hendry would likely prefer a 2B, but a SS that would move Theriot to 2B isn't out of the question.
The Target: Freddy Sanchez (2B, PIT - 2 yrs @ $12.6M)
The Likelihood: While the likelihood doesn't appear high, the Pirates are selling starts off left and right. Plus, Hendry has been known to work deadline deals with the Pirates in the past, so why not? But with Sanchez's contract and the word that the Cubs inability to add payroll, Sanchez in a Cubs uniform is likely nothing more than a pipe dream.
The Target: Felipe Lopez (2B, ARI - 1 yr@ $3.5M)
The Likelihood: The D-Backs are going no where this year and should hit fire-sale mode sometime soon. With Lopez's impending free agent status, it would be in the D-Backs best interest to get something for him while they can. Providing Lopez keeps up his strong start this year, Lopez could be a steal for the Cubs.
The Target: Julio Lugo (SS, BOS - 2 yr @ $18M)
The Likelihood: The Lugo contract has been widely ridiculed the last two years and Lugo has not performed up to the $9M a year deal he signed prior to the 2007 campaign. Lugo is having a nice bounce back year, but in order for a Lugo deal to work out, Boston would likely have to take Miles, his bad contract and eat some of Lugo's salary too. With Lugo actually hitting the ball and getting on base this season, while Miles can't hit or stay healthy, this is nothing more than an idea with no chance of becoming a reality.
The Target: Cristian Guzman (SS, WAS - 1 yr @ $8M)
The Likelihood: Guzman is having a very productive and healthy season for the Nats, but the fact of the matter is the Nats stink. They should be looking to ditch payroll and get young players they can control over the next few years. While the Cubs may have a few players that fit that bill, the bigger problem is that they likely can't add the payroll this season. Even if the Cubs could get the Nats to take Miles, they still would have to add about $5.5M in salary this season, and that doesn't seem likely.
The Verdict: Unless the Cubs are allowed to add payroll, the choices of impact middle infielders seem limited to either Lopez or hope a combination of Miles/Fontenot can rebound for a strong second half.
Cubs Tradeable Commodities:
Mike Fontenot - Fontenot is under team control at the league minimum for two more seasons, so he could be a guy other teams take a look at. Mike hasn't played particularly well this season, but a change of scenary state of mind might make other teams take a look.
Aaron Miles - Signing Miles to a 2 yr @ $4.9M contract seems to be one of Hendry's big offseason mistakes. Although for for every reason the Cubs would want to deal Miles is the exact reason other teams don't want him.
Micah Hoffpauir - Hoffpauir is likely only intriguing to AL teams, but could help fetch a much needed middle INF or bullpen arm that the Cubs need. Hoffpauir could raise interest to any NL teams who could use a 1B, but that list likely only contains the D-Backs and Giants.
Jake Fox - As with Hoffpauir, Fox is likely best suited for the AL. His recent work at 3B could make it attractive to other NL teams, but Fox will likely gain the most interest from AL teams looking for a DH or impact bat off the bench.
Sam Fuld - Fuld's first two games since being called up on July 1 could make him attractive trade bait to teams looking for good yound talent. While Fuld looks like he can play, unless he learns to play 2B, he's stuck in the Cubs organizational depth chart. It would be nice to keep good young talent, but for a team that's built to win now, the Cubs are better off getting an MLB ready player in a position they need help in rather than holding onto a player who likely won't get everyday playing time for at least a few more years.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Dobber's Match Day 34 Predictions
Talk about horrible matchups in the Prem this week. Rather than giving on of our chosen matches the "Toilet Stinker Match of the Week" award this week, I'm mixing things up and giving the whole damn lot the title. That's right, this weekend's fixtures look so unappealing, I'm labeling Match Day 34 as "Toilet Stinker Match Day of the Year." I honestly don't see a single match that will be exciting. Hopefully I'm proved wrong and we see some great footy. But after the mid-week classic at Anfield on Tuesday, this weekend looks like the fat chick you notice sleeping in your bed the morning after a Jim Beam bender.
Bolton 1 Aston Villa 1
A pivotal match for Villa, as they attempt to fight off Everton for the right to represent the Prem League in the UEFA cup. Problem for Villa is they are playing like pure butt. I mean, they haven't even scored 3 pts since Feb. 7th for Christ's sake. I hope they've enjoyed their run in the top 4 & 5 of the table this season, because after this weekend, the ride is over.
Everton 2. Manchester City 0
After a thrilling PK victory against ManU, Everton is the little engine that could in the soccer world right now. And I can say short of Everton squaring off against Arsenal, nothing made the Dobber happier than watching our U.S. boy Howard thwart off ManU to earn his club a shot at a cup. Everton is riding high and they will continue to do so at home, all the way up to the 5th spot in the league table after this week's fixture with Man City.
Manchester United 3 Tottenham 0
I'm deeming this fixture the "Toilet Stinker Match of the Week" not because the two teams are terrible (okay, well one is), but because this match is so lopsided, it won't be fun to watch. ManU will be pissed from their FA Cup semifinal defeat and Tottenham, well, Tottenham just plan right blows.
Arsenal 2 Middlesbrough 0
Arsenal had two heartbreaking outcomes this past week, losing in the FA Cup semifinal to Chelsea and settling for a draw at Anfield on Tuesday. Both fixtures were winnable, and both should have been won. The problem....the ineptitude of Arsenal's back line to stop and attack when so desparately needed. Let's see, a terrible play by Fabianski that just gives Drogba the winning goal, followed up by porous play by the backline in the final minutes at Anfield to give away 2 pts. I mean, how to do you give up an equaliser in extra time when you just scored the go ahead in extra time? Luckily for Arsenal, Boro does not have the attack of Chelsea or Liverpool.
Hull City 1 Liverpool 3
Liverpool was lucky to gain a point on Tuesday, grasping a victory from the jaws of defeat. This weekend they won't have the same problem against Hull City. Torres goes off for a hat trick and Liverpool maintain pace with ManU in the chase for the title.
Bolton 1 Aston Villa 1
A pivotal match for Villa, as they attempt to fight off Everton for the right to represent the Prem League in the UEFA cup. Problem for Villa is they are playing like pure butt. I mean, they haven't even scored 3 pts since Feb. 7th for Christ's sake. I hope they've enjoyed their run in the top 4 & 5 of the table this season, because after this weekend, the ride is over.
Everton 2. Manchester City 0
After a thrilling PK victory against ManU, Everton is the little engine that could in the soccer world right now. And I can say short of Everton squaring off against Arsenal, nothing made the Dobber happier than watching our U.S. boy Howard thwart off ManU to earn his club a shot at a cup. Everton is riding high and they will continue to do so at home, all the way up to the 5th spot in the league table after this week's fixture with Man City.
Manchester United 3 Tottenham 0
I'm deeming this fixture the "Toilet Stinker Match of the Week" not because the two teams are terrible (okay, well one is), but because this match is so lopsided, it won't be fun to watch. ManU will be pissed from their FA Cup semifinal defeat and Tottenham, well, Tottenham just plan right blows.
Arsenal 2 Middlesbrough 0
Arsenal had two heartbreaking outcomes this past week, losing in the FA Cup semifinal to Chelsea and settling for a draw at Anfield on Tuesday. Both fixtures were winnable, and both should have been won. The problem....the ineptitude of Arsenal's back line to stop and attack when so desparately needed. Let's see, a terrible play by Fabianski that just gives Drogba the winning goal, followed up by porous play by the backline in the final minutes at Anfield to give away 2 pts. I mean, how to do you give up an equaliser in extra time when you just scored the go ahead in extra time? Luckily for Arsenal, Boro does not have the attack of Chelsea or Liverpool.
Hull City 1 Liverpool 3
Liverpool was lucky to gain a point on Tuesday, grasping a victory from the jaws of defeat. This weekend they won't have the same problem against Hull City. Torres goes off for a hat trick and Liverpool maintain pace with ManU in the chase for the title.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
BPL Predictions 04/25 - 04/27
"Howdy y'all!!!"
"Go on, git!!!"
"I done seen you yesterday."
AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I gave a vocabulary test last week to my freshmen classes, and check this out. The words consisted of the following:
"Go on, git!!!"
"I done seen you yesterday."
AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I gave a vocabulary test last week to my freshmen classes, and check this out. The words consisted of the following:
- comprehend
- repetition
- exempt
- vain
- commend
- maim
- toil
- final
- blunder
- mourn
- daze
- subside
Aside from one class that had a class average of 85%, I had another with a 63% average, and two others with 75% and 71%. Are you freaking kidding me? It has a matching section, a fill in the blank section, and a section on matching terms to real-life examples, etc. I actually design the test so that there will be lots and lots of perfect scores. In fact, I give bonus points to any student who earns a perfect score. I offer extra incentive for perfection. The rich keep getting richer. It doesn't matter though for they are too f****************************** stupid.
So anyways, it looks like it will be an interesting weekend in the Prem..............not.
Bolton 1 Aston Villa 1
This is sure to be an extremely unexciting match. Bolton are a side that usually play well at home, and the Villains have been shit for the past two months, so I guess you never know though. Most likely we will all be witnesses to a sluggish midfield match that fails to compare even to watching The Simpsons remain relevant. Hopefully instead we'll all be stunned and "shocked" at a whirlwind of fantastic footwork, teamwork, and shoddy goalkeeping so we can see lots of goals. My prediction? We see lots of circle jerk instead. Did I mention I'm still laughing at the divine rise and traumatic fall of Villa!!!!!! Did I also mention anyone who roots for Bolton is a total stroke wand?
Everton 3 Man City 1
Everton have been playing some very high quality soccer lately. Their draw versus United last weekend may have been somewhat of a farce considering it was the A-team against United's B-team, but... in light of that, Everton is no United either way so it was still a nice win, especially for Timmy-Ho who came up big in PKs. F***************** United. Moving on, ManCity were good for what? 2-3 weeks at the beginning of the season. Wow did the wheels ever fall off or what. They might get a goal, but it is a certainty they let in more than they score. This is still going to be a borefest.
Man United 3 Spurs 0
Who honestly thinks that Spurs can come into Old Trafford and score a point, let alone score a goal? Show me this man who believes, and I will show you a man with a tiny wang and no sense of reality... Ladies and Gentlemen... Eugene Turk!!!!! Sorry Eug, I couldn't resist the opportunity. The next low-blow goes to Dobby "Dobber" McDobbymeister-ton. The Red Devils defense lately has been maybe at its weakest since Christmas maybe, but it is still top notch. The fact that Spurs could possibly still fight for UEFA Cup (or Europa League... is that its new gay name?) does not matter because the truth of the matter is that they still suck. United could basically close out the Prem with their next two wins... maybe not mathematically, but c'mon it's over already isn't it? I hate United, but only for this reason: When they smell blood, they kill everything off. This is no different. Bye bye Spurs.
Arsenal 2 Boro 1
The Boro-ites, or whatever the hell is their nickname, always seem to be a tough match for the Gunners to overcome no matter how much more talented they may be. Southgate's teeth are certain to make an appearance at some point, and Gooners can only hope it is in the form of a painful grimace as they get their asses stomped left and right. However, it could be as he sinks those gnarled mashers into the throat of Wenger as they celebrate victory... or in Boro's case even a draw would be fantastic. All-in-all, the important thing here is that everyone felt a twinge of strangeness from the overly grotesque descriptions of Gareth's teeth.
Hull City 0 Liverpool 3
I have been reading about Hull City's managerial collapse, and all I can do is laugh. What a joke that is. Liverpool make this an easy road trip as they thoroughly dominate literally the entire match. Hull need something to keep their hopes of staying afloat at the top level, but the Reds are too tough even with dreams of still winning the Prem fading by the moment.
Adios amigos. Until next time, don't pee on the electric fence.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The NBA... it's Faaaaaaaaannnnnntastic!
Apparently Eugene and his brothers were goofing around about the new NBA slogan of "Where Amazing Happens" and how other words or phrases are substituted for "Amazing." For example, "The NBA... Where Playoff Drama Happens" or whatever. Of course, they not only butchered the slogan on the surface, but they also drove a stake through the heart of it. Furthermore, I couldn't let this opportunity pass by without adding my two cents, so here we go...
The NBA...
where on-court mini-people/mini-bus tours happen
where good fundamentals happen
where no college education happens
where fake injuries happens
where Bill Walker happens
where people read good happens
where strip-club shootouts happen
where caring (for the size of your paycheck) happens
where choking your coach happens
where a player stars in all-time classic films as Kazaam and Steel happens
where same said player says he can't be figured out just like the Pythagorean Theorem happens
where nicknames like Birdman happens
where no conspiracies happen
where Tank Johnson would be a choirboy happens
please don't hesitate to add to this list
Oh and Eugene and Dobber... we need to get our predictions back on board this weekend!!! Let's pick some games you bloody wankers. Yep. I said wankers.
The NBA...
where on-court mini-people/mini-bus tours happen
where good fundamentals happen
where no college education happens
where fake injuries happens
where Bill Walker happens
where people read good happens
where strip-club shootouts happen
where caring (for the size of your paycheck) happens
where choking your coach happens
where a player stars in all-time classic films as Kazaam and Steel happens
where same said player says he can't be figured out just like the Pythagorean Theorem happens
where nicknames like Birdman happens
where no conspiracies happen
where Tank Johnson would be a choirboy happens
please don't hesitate to add to this list
Oh and Eugene and Dobber... we need to get our predictions back on board this weekend!!! Let's pick some games you bloody wankers. Yep. I said wankers.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Dobber's Match Day 31 Predictions
In the span of the last 10 minutes, Dobber Jr. blew up a diaper, spit up and pissed on Dobber Sr. Needless to say, I'm short for time in this week's posting. So without further adieu, here are Dobber's predictions for Match Day 31 with absolutely no analysis to support them whatsoever.
Blackburn 1 Tottenham 1 - Toilet Stinker Match of the Week
Arsenal 2 Manchester City 1
Fulham 0 Liverpool 2
Newcastle 0 Chelsea 3
Manchester United 2 Aston Villa 1
Blackburn 1 Tottenham 1 - Toilet Stinker Match of the Week
Arsenal 2 Manchester City 1
Fulham 0 Liverpool 2
Newcastle 0 Chelsea 3
Manchester United 2 Aston Villa 1
MatchDay 31
I have to apologize for the long absence. I don't exactly remember the past two weeks. I am pretty sure Ace dropped me a strong ruffy that has had me on a coke binge. All I do remember is waking up at Ace's house and watching a USA demolition of T and T. A few observations from that most memorable of nights:
1. Jozy is ready for the big time.
2. DMB is the best left winger acting like a LB that the USA has.
3. Timmy has turrets which is absolutely awesome.
4. The USA definitely worked on their back heels during the week.
On to the Predictions:
Blackburn 0-2 Tottenham
You might have Big Sam Blackburn Rovers but the Spurs not only have Harry Houdini but they also hold the EPL's best form over the previous 6 matches. Harry has got the best playing team right now and will run riot over the Rovers this weekend. Keane, Modric, and Pavulechenko will give Blackburn all they can handle. GO SPURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Arsenal 2-2 Manchester City
This was a tough game to call. Arsenal at home and with the most talented team by far on the pitch all signs pointed to a Arsenal route. But upon further review this is one of those classic slip up games for Arsenal. ManCity is a talented team that doesn't always play their best footy but Arsenal seem to overlook these teams, especially when they are at home. Add into that Wenger will probably replace a fit CM for one just coming off an injury and the team chemistry might be hurt. I see an entertaining game with plenty of chances but once again Arsenal will be incapable of finishing off a game ManCity team.
Fulham 1-4 Liverpool
My heart wants a close game with the smaller club, Fulham, coming through with a good result but Liverpool is just to talented and playing way to well at this moment. Gerard and Torres torment the Fulham defense all game and will come away with all three points from the Cottage.
Newcastle 1-2 Chelsea
Newcastle has a new manager but will have the same old results. This team is just not that good. The only thing that will save them from total destruction in that this game is at home and King Shearer has come to try and save the club from relegation.
Manchester United 1-1 Aston Villa
This is my upset special of the week. Manchester United have not played well and a week away from each other will not improve their form. This has a tie written all over it. Of course I could be wrong and ManU wins by 5. Go Villa!!!!!!!!!!
Until next time do not have sex with a man, unless your into that sort of thing, ACE!!!!!!!!!!
1. Jozy is ready for the big time.
2. DMB is the best left winger acting like a LB that the USA has.
3. Timmy has turrets which is absolutely awesome.
4. The USA definitely worked on their back heels during the week.
On to the Predictions:
Blackburn 0-2 Tottenham
You might have Big Sam Blackburn Rovers but the Spurs not only have Harry Houdini but they also hold the EPL's best form over the previous 6 matches. Harry has got the best playing team right now and will run riot over the Rovers this weekend. Keane, Modric, and Pavulechenko will give Blackburn all they can handle. GO SPURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Arsenal 2-2 Manchester City
This was a tough game to call. Arsenal at home and with the most talented team by far on the pitch all signs pointed to a Arsenal route. But upon further review this is one of those classic slip up games for Arsenal. ManCity is a talented team that doesn't always play their best footy but Arsenal seem to overlook these teams, especially when they are at home. Add into that Wenger will probably replace a fit CM for one just coming off an injury and the team chemistry might be hurt. I see an entertaining game with plenty of chances but once again Arsenal will be incapable of finishing off a game ManCity team.
Fulham 1-4 Liverpool
My heart wants a close game with the smaller club, Fulham, coming through with a good result but Liverpool is just to talented and playing way to well at this moment. Gerard and Torres torment the Fulham defense all game and will come away with all three points from the Cottage.
Newcastle 1-2 Chelsea
Newcastle has a new manager but will have the same old results. This team is just not that good. The only thing that will save them from total destruction in that this game is at home and King Shearer has come to try and save the club from relegation.
Manchester United 1-1 Aston Villa
This is my upset special of the week. Manchester United have not played well and a week away from each other will not improve their form. This has a tie written all over it. Of course I could be wrong and ManU wins by 5. Go Villa!!!!!!!!!!
Until next time do not have sex with a man, unless your into that sort of thing, ACE!!!!!!!!!!
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