BPL Predictions 03/14 - 03/16

So I was playing NCAA March Madness '08 this week (I bought it used for $8). I always change the names of new recruits to give them the most ridiculous names ever because it's quite funny seeing the NCAA Player of the Week as Raul Duke or Slappy Wilson. Well, I was toying around with it and apparently pushed the X button, which gave him a random name. I was not aware of this, so you can imagine my excitement when my point guard's name became Colby Manhand. Manhand? Seriously? Why was this name even an option? Needless to say, my curiosity got the best of me so I decided to try it again, and this time Idi Nax came up. Really?? What the hell kind of names does this game think are simply "random"? It only gets more ridiculous when I say that as coach of the Indiana State Sycamores, Coach Riki Tiki Tavi, I have taken the program to a 54 game winning streak and two consecutive national titles while still in the MVC. Who was the starting point guard you might ask? Yep, you guessed it. Colby Manhand.

Anyway, the next day I whipped Eugene's ass at FIFA like I usually do. He tried the old 7-2-1 defensive formation, which got a pretty decent laugh from my boy SRed7 in Calera, Alamama. What up dOOd?!!! Yeah, it's 7 defenders (5 in or in front of the box and 2 on corners) 2 deep wingers, and a striker all by his lonesome. Good times...

On to the show... I look to regain my place back at the top of the 3 Morons' "Nostradamus" list. Actually, I have no idea where I stand in points right now. Does anybody know? Or care?


Hull City 1 Newcastle 1
This is definitely the “Sticky and Hard-To-Wipe-Clean Pooper” Match of the Week. Congratulations Hull on the great start to your season! Too bad it was just an illusion and you’re on track to be flushed back to where you belong! The Championship! Yay! Congratulations Newcastle on your horrible start and continually disappointing season! You should also be relegated because you suck! Ya-hoooooo! Anyway, the paragraph you just read will be 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times more exciting than the match. We may see some goals, but most likely we’ll see a bunch of nothing. Besides, who really gives a rat's ass?

Man United 2 Liverpool 1
I think this has the potential to be a fabulous game. Apparently some “hate” comments have come out to fuel the fire as bulletin board material. Which team will be able to quell the flame though? Old Trafford obviously offers a comfort zone for United, but Liverpool will be jacked up for this one so I think the home field advantage might not be so important. What will be important, however, is the consistency and class of United versus that of the Reds… and United win by a goal!

Chelsea 3 Man City 0
I have a reason to think that this match will not even be close. Chelsea had a tough match midweek in the CL and will be looking to continue their run. Plus, they will be playing with the belief that Liverpool can take a point (or 3) from their Sunday match with United and begin to narrow the gap to a first-place spot in the BPL. Man City are already looking to next year, and I don’t really think they will have much trouble closing out a spot in Europe. What do they have to play for? Hughes? I doubt it since he will get canned at season’s end. Pride? I doubt that either because their “leader” is a sell-out. Most of them will be gone in the summer when the owners clean house (except for stars) and look to fit in more star power.

Aston Villa 1 Spurs 2
I’m back to believing (and praying) that Villa have run out of steam for the time being. They may have the lead on Arsenal by 3 points, but I think they realize they still have a mountain to climb with the difficulty of their remaining schedule. They have truly been on a run of poor form lately and need something to cheer about again, but a match against a motivated and well-coached and a fairly hot team in Spurs is not the answer. Spurs go up two goals before Villa snatch a late goal making the end exciting. I’m sure Spurs will be excited about the win, but they won’t be happy to help out their arch rivals in reaching the coveted fourth place.

Arsenal 2 Blackburn 0
Arsenal’s defense has been really good as of late (except for that strange goal vs. Roma), and their offense is heating up at the right time. Blackburn stole some points against Fulham midweek and have taken into Big Sam’s theory… as many set pieces, crosses, and men in front of goal as possible. I don’t think Arsenal allow the Rovers to come into the Emirates this week and take anything. In fact, Arsenal’s BPL goal-drought will end with at least a pair, and they get another clean sheet too.


Until next time chaps... don't ever wear chaps or say "that chaps my ass." You'll either look or sound like a jackass or a flamer. Actually, I'm laughing my ass off right now because "that chaps my ass" is really funny to say. In fact, I'm laughing so hard, my ass is chapping. Uh... later.