The More Things Change...

The more things change the more things stay the same. With all the departures from the Big 4, and to be honest most of them went to ManCity, I would like to think that someone else will break into the top 4 and wrestle away a Champions League from ManU, Chelsea, Liverpool or the Gunners. But I just can not see that happening. There has to be something said for "been there, done that" for the four mentioned above. Coaching experience, mental toughness, and just the shier experience of being in a title race and the experience of the Champions League breeds confidence when the chips are on the table. With all that being said it wouldn't come as a total surprise to see Aston Villa, Everton or ManCity push Arsenal (in my opinion the weakest of the Big 4) all the way for that fourth spot.

Onto the predictions. Starting with 20-11.

20. Burnley: To be honest I feel a little sorry for these guys. The club comes from a town the size of Terre Haute and will be outclassed by most of the league. The will be relegated by February.
19. Portsmouth: I might have been off by one year on my prediction of their demise but not this year. If Kanu is your front line striker your in trouble. Being regulated might not be a bad thing for this small club to start over and come on back up with a more talented and deeper club.
18. Wigan: Here comes a cross, a cross over from the EPL to the Championship. First year head coach, zero true threats up front and a weak midfield will lead this team by the hand all the way down to the relegation zone.
17. Birmingham City: Wow that was close. This team will survive by maybe a point or goal differential. I am a fan of seeing new blood in the EPL and i believe this team has what it takes to stay up and be a pest for the top ten teams all season long.
16. Hull City: Their coach might be a total D-Bag but this team has something that no one else has. JOZY ALTIDORE!!!!!!!!This young American will be a revelation for the whole EPL. He will provide Hull with the consistent scoring threat that they did not have last year. 8-12 goals for Mr. Altidore will see this team stay up for a second year in a row.
15. Wolves: This years reading. An entertaining team who attack with an organized defense. This team will try and play an attractive style and will have success doing it.
14. Stoke City: Mr Delap and Mr. "I wear a baseball cap to every game" Pulis will have a nice second season in the EPL and be able to be mildly successful with a third season as a reward.
13. Blackburn: Big Sam Allardyce is the king of keeping horrible teams in the EPL. This team actually have a few decent players. McCarthy, Roberts, Diouf to head the line up front and an organized defense with a good keeper, Paul Robinson.
12. Bolton: Gary Megson is a good coach who's only job is to keep this team in the EPL. If that is the one aim then Megson is your guy and this is your team. It is a big, tough, and disciplined team. With those aspects, add in some talent, this team will survive by feasting on the other horrible teams and be safe by a mile.
11. Sunderland: This is actually a pretty good team. It is full with a good mix of youth and experience with a great manager. This team will be an entertaining team with a successful season. Steve Bruce will get every drop of talent and work rate from this team and might even push for a top ten spot.

Some will disagree with these picks but one thing we can all agree on is the top ten in the EPL have so much more talent than these 10 that even though the final position might be different there is no question these are your bottom ten. The top ten tomorrow. Enjoy the season!!!!!!!!

BPL 2009-2010 Predictions!

The time is near for another exciting season of the Barclay’s Premier League! I’m almost as excited as I was when I picked up a Blarp! Fart Toy the other day. You should pick one up. I'ts hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. Anyway, I will try to keep this as short and concise as possible. Here we go boys and girls! Enjoy!

Predictions 20-11...

20. Birmingham
They couldn’t “handle the truth” as recently as two years ago, and now they think they are ready for more… give me a break. Will they be able to keep up with the big boys when it matters? My thought is a big, fat, NO. They will not be able to withstand the early season blows offered by the strength and pure class of teams above them. They lose early and often on their way to finishing last. Congratulations!!!

19. Portsmouth
Eugene thought for sure that Portsmouth would drop last year. He may have been wrong then, but he is certainly on to something now. They have no talent, no leaders, no backbone, and no reason to remain in the top flight. In fact, like Newcastle, it may do them some good to fall in order to revamp the squad with some young and talented stars before returning. Until then… look out below!!!

18. Wolves
I like them because of their name. That’s about it. They will be the third team I rout for besides my Gunners and Fulham. Seriously, I think this will be last year’s Hull City-type squad that comes out with a really good first half of the season before faltering later in the second half. Note: I have changed this pick as I originally had Wolverhampton in 15th place. Oh well. It's a shame too, because unlike the Tigers of Hull previously mentioned, the Wolves shall plummet into the Championship once again. Better luck next year!

17. Burnley
Here is another team that should be proud of last season’s accomplishments. And what do they get for their efforts? That’s right… a season-long ass-stomping!!! Note: After an early season win versus ManUnited, how can one possibly believe this team will drop? I have pushed them up from 18th to 17th... close to the drop, but barely surviving with a couple more unexpected wins under their belt.

16. Stoke City
I thought for sure the “StRokes” would have dropped last year, but they proved me wrong. Actually, Rory Delap proved us all wrong. I highly doubt they have the same luster as they did last season. It will be interesting to see if the “sophomore slump” will occur with them like it did Reading a couple seasons ago. I think they will be safe from relegation, but if any of the previous three teams surprises, then they could be caught in a mighty large pitfall pickle-o-rama. Uh...

15. Blackburn
The Rovers will either be the winners of or the runners-up of “The Most Boring Team to Watch” award. I would enjoy seeing them struggle even worse and possibly drop, but unfortunately they are too halfway decent for that to happen. Plus, they will fight and pressure teams into mistakes before scoring 90% of their goals on set pieces/crosses the ol' "Big Sam" stlye. That means we will see them again next year! Yay.

14. Bolton
We didn’t hear “A cross in from Bolton!” much last year, and I hope that this year they can begin to develop a better brand of soccer. They have some pretty good players and are led by a good coach. A higher finish is even possible if they can string together a streak of wins before the midway point of the season.

13. Wigan
I joined their bandwagon last year towards the end of the season for the sole reason that they were under the radar all season and still finished in a decent place in the league. They play a semi-attractive style and have good firepower up top. With a weak bottom half of the league (again), that should be exciting for any Wigan fan because a top ten finish is possible.

12. Sunderland
I really planned on placing Sunderland in the bottom three, but I changed my mind when I realized they simply have better players than some of the others below them. They won’t be much fun to watch because they lack discipline and a true manager/leader, but they will be good enough to finish safely. Note: This was another big change to my predictions. I must have been asleep when Steve Bruce took the job with them. Boys and girls, that changes quite a bit. Sunderland also picked up Darren Bent, who I think is a fantastic enhancement to their squad. Bent easily finished with double-figure goals and helps Sunderland to a top 12 placement.

11. Hull City
The arrival of Jozy Altidore boosted the Tigers 10 full spots on my poll!!! Just kidding. In all seriousness, he does make them better, but I think they would have had a good season regardless. After their guns-a-blazing start last year, Hull nearly got shot down before a stroke of luck saved them on the final match day. I believe that they will come back stronger and hungrier to prove that the second half of the season, not the first, was a fluke. Their manager is a quack, but his intensity has to keep the players on their toes. They could very easily be much lower in the rankings, but I have a feeling they will be here. By the way, Jozy nets six goals in his first BPL run. Note: Nothing has changed here. Jozy looked great his first time out and Hull look to be fitter, sharper, and more aggressive than before. Of course, injuries could be the bane of them, but if they stay healthy, I truly believe this team has got it in them to be really good.

10. West Ham
I like what West Ham has to offer in attack. They are a team that likes to push forward. With Zola at the helm, the players must play with a a lot of confidence. I remember a couple years ago when this team was even good with Curbishley, who was a bit of a stroke. Sure, there has been a lot of turnover since then, but the biggest turnover was attitude. Play on playas.

9. Aston Villa
What a disastrous run this team has been on since late March of last year. Their talented youth have not seemed to turn the corner just yet. The loss of Barry was a big blow. It will certainly take some time to settle without their fearless leader and captain. Unfortunately, it will take too long because they will drop fast out of the top 6 and UEFA Cup contention. Tiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmbeeeeeerrrr!!!

8. Fulham
Hodgson is the man. He has done some really nice things with the Cottagers. It's nice to see a team filled with hardworking players (no real big names or stars) come together and push their opponents each week. That subtle nuance has been the difference-maker to their success the past two years...from narrowly staying afloat in the Prem, to finishing with a UEFA Cup birth last year. Like my man K-Will says, "This is for Hodgsy, This is for Hodgsy... thank you Roy for helping us on this Earth, if it weren't for you, our success wouldn't have been birth!"

7. Everton
What a catastrophic way to begin your season. Arsenal absolutely smashed them. The whole Lescott thing didn't help, but now that he's gone, Everton can get back to playing team soccer. They have the quality and coaching to snap back and still have a nice season. I still believe they need more help up top though. Maybe they can splurge and get someone during the winter window. If not, and they can't get back to their defensive ways of the past, they may fall as far as 9th or 10th.

6. Man City
These guys are a potentially very very scary team. I don't think anyone doubts that. While they brought in loads of talent and have a capable manager, the biggest thing now is the belief that they can actually be good. They have been on a roll so far, and a win against Arsenal early on (this weekend at time of post) will certainly let people know they are for real. Adebayor, Tevez, Robinho, Barry, and... oh yeah, Steven Ireland (my favorite of all of those) make for a very difficult opponent. However, lack of solid defense and possible locker room problems could spell DOOM for the Yankees, I mean Citizens. I can only hope.

5. Liverpool
A slow start to the year has given me the indication that the Reds probably missed their chance last year to win the Prem. Gerrard and Torres are obviously class, but I think their midfield isn't as strong as it needs to be, with most of their man guys aging. I wouldn't be surprised to see them in the market big time come January, but it will depend on the owners and money, etc. I hate to say it, but I think Spurs will contend for a CL spot and will beat out Liverpool for the 4th and final place.

4. Tottenham
Can Harry "Houdini" work his magic once again at White Hart Lane? I believe he can, and he will, if he hasn't already. The re-acquisition of Keane, alongside Defoe and the rest of their cast of talented players, this looks to be the year that Spurs finally get back over the hump and finish in the top 4, at Liverpool's expense. Amazingly, just 8 months ago they were fighting to get out of the relegation zone due to some coaching that was ass stanky as a wet diaper, defense as questionable as Eugene's sexual affiliation, and confidence that was as shaky and nervous as a cock-whore in church. What does that equal? That's right... a bad combination my friends. However, all of those things (except their def- Dawson still plays right?) have apparently been corrected. I hate Spurs as much as I hate walking through K-Will's puddles... and that's bad.

3. Manchester United
You're probably thinking: Is it April Fool's Day? You're also probably thinking: Does Ace have shit for brains? Many would argue on the affirmative side for both of those questions, but I'm sorry to inform you that no, it isn't, and no, I don't. Having said that, the Red Devils have been in decent early season form. They beat a really good, talented, and deep Burnley team and totally dominated Arsenal from start to finish. Oh wait, hold on, this just in: Neither of those things happened. Anyway, the loss of Ronaldo may not seem to be such a big deal now, but wait awhile until the team collectively starts having bad games. Without those moments of brilliance by Ronaldo to bail them out of some games, they are going to start dropping a lot of would-be points that they are used to getting. Teams don't have to focus so much on that one player now and should be able to exploit their defense more often too. Yes, they are still the defending champs and should obviously not be overlooked because they still have loads of talent, but they are ABSOLUTELY weaker this year than last, and other teams are stronger... you do the math.

2. Chelsea
I originally had the Blues slated to finish in 1st place. They are ridiculously ruthless and efficient, have the best all-around striker in the league (in Drogba), and have a deep bench, like usual. The only thing that changed my mind is the fact that they are a bit older and therefore more injury-prone and susceptible to fatigue. Yes, they are indeed deep, but their talent certainly wanes once you get to their 14th-15th players. They will still contend until the final day because that's just who they are. However, I believe that they will still fall short to...

1. Arsenal
As a Gooner myself, some may think this is a biased pick, but I have a really hard time believing that Wenger's plan over the past few seasons is all for naught. I don't think that next year is their year... their time is now. Fabregas, RvP, and Arshavin may all be on the move come this time next year if no trophies surface again, but let's honest. The Gunners were nearly unbeatable again last year, only losing their minds in a brace of games late in the year (United, Spurs?). The loss of Adebayor is, in my opinion, easily becomes a plus for them with AA filling the void. It seems as though their def-mid problem has been taken care of with Song and Denilson more than capable. With Walcott back soon, along with a possible return by Rosicky, this team will only get stronger and deeper as the season wears on. Their defense seems shallow, but I think it only "seems" that way, with Kieran Gibbs waiting for his chance, and Eboue as "Mr. Versatile." Diaby and Song can both also play along the backline in defense if necessary. This is the year the Gunners prove that they belong in the top two once and for all. This is the year they bring home at least a brace of trophies.

Stay thirsty my friends.
And piss off... a balcony.

ACE

Hey Pinocchio! Where Do You Think You're Goin'?

Dobber- Your post on the Cubbies was very intriguing. However, I believe that the Cubs (Hendry) will ultimately decline on making any major moves as they will "stick to their guns" and blast on with the same cast. With the All-Star break in effect as of now, all Cubs fans can hope and pray that jackasses like Soriano, Fukudome, and Bradley will find their swagger over the next few days. Lou needs to forget players' salaries and make a consistent lineup based on BA and OBP, not whatever it was he was doing before. Anyway, here are a few breakdowns of the BEST, the FORGOT THEY WERE ON THE TEAM, and the WORST of the Cubbies so far this season...

BEST
Lee- I've said for the past 3 years that D.Lee needs to be bumped down the lineup into 5th or 6th, but so far this season he's proven me wrong. Now maybe I only feel that way because everyone else has simply under-performed, therefore making Derrek's performance seem better, but realistically, he is hitting for a good average and his power seems to be back. Anyway, he has been solid again at 1st base, like usual, and probably deserves the 1st half MVP honors.

Ramirez- He had a great start to the season before getting injured and being out what seems like forever. I think when Aramis is healthy, he is by far the Cubs' best player, or maybe most important player would be better said. Everyone knows his defensive skills have tripled the last 3-4 years and he is an RBI machine. Hopefully, these few games he played before the break will help him get back full-strength for the 2nd half.

Theriot- No doubt exists in my mind that this guy should be batting lead-off each and every contest. He has speed, determination, some power, patience, and what all of the Cubs' other candidates don't have: both confidence and an edge.

Hoffpauir- This guy just never seems to disappoint me. Hey did anybody see how many homeruns he has? Yep, that's right... more than Bradley. I haven't seen how many fewer at-bats he's had, but I know it has to be a large margin. You may disagree, but I think Micah should be our starting RF until Bradley snaps out of it... big salary or not.

Marshall- I am glad that Marshall is a Cub. He has that "I'll do whatever it takes to play and to win" kinda attitude that everyone has to love. He has had a solid year, whether as a starter or middle reliever.

Zambrano- What a headcase, but hey the guy competes at a high level and his strong emotions help him do that. Yes, sometimes his emotions get the best of him, but he can keep doing it all he wants if he keeps producing.

Lilly- The guy is the Cubs' only All-Star. He's a class act. He's a leader. I wish we had two of him. Enough said.

Wells- What can you say about the guy? He looks good. Only 6 years pitching after a stint in "A" minors as a catcher? You really can't tell. He has been a nice complement to our rotation, although he is still probably expendable if the Cubs latch onto another big arm in a trade.

FORGOT THEY WERE ON THE TEAM
Harden- Seriously, does the guy still even play for the Cubs? I honestly forgot he was still on the roster.

Soto- What has he done? I can't say it's been good or bad... it's just been nada.

Miles- I had never seen the guy play before I knew I didn't like him in the pre-season. Oh yeah, and is he still on the team? I hope not. I'd rather see Fuld or Baker. Hell I'd rather see Les Lancaster make a comeback and play 2nd base before this clown. Did he go to the Craig Counsell School for Gayest Batting Stances? Terrible.

Dempster- Ryan may very well have the best ERA and have a nice collection of wins and quality starts and stuff, but he's been off the radar as far as I'm concerned. The Cubs' offense has sucked something awful this year and that has a big part to do with his confidence on the mound I'm afraid, but this is a guy that we need to be bigger in the 2nd half.

WORST
Soriano- Get your head out of your ass. You're making way too much cashflow to be sucking this bad. Lou's moving of Big Al down the lineup was about 2 years too late, but at least it's done now. I think he would still look good in the 2nd slot if he ever finds his swing back. If not, 6th is probably about right... or the bench.

Bradley- Milton is a waste of space. He should be watching from the bench as Hoffpauir plays in RF. Maybe if he changed his name to Parker Brothers things would be different.

Fontenot- Little Babe just ain't getting it done this year. I thought he came out strong at the very beginning of the season, but then just faded big time. Like Dobber said, this is another guy who needs to turn it around in the 2nd half or he might see himself in a different uniform.

Fukudome- I can't believe the guy is still batting lead-off. What a waste. I have such high hopes that he will one day be good, but the forecast for that is cold and bleak, with lots of hail and shit falling from the sky. Too far?

Gregg- It may be a bit harsh to put Gregg in the "worst" category, but he deserves to go somewhere and it sure as hell isn't in the "best." Maybe I just harbor bad thoughts because the guy seems like a massive tool. He's been a lot better lately which has been nice, but he still scares me like Alfonseca and Beck used to do. I would prefer that the Cubs bring back Mitch "The Wild Thing" Williams as closer. Maybe Tom "Flash" Gordon? Any other ex-Cubs closers with stupid nicknames?

In continuation of my last comment, I am officially starting a contest for best nickname for Kevin Gregg... I will start off the bidding with Kevin "No Personality" Gregg. Lame? Maybe. True? Definitely.

Adios amigos.
Ace

Dobber's Cubs Trade Wish List

As the midseason vastly approaches, any Cubs fan must come to the realization that in its current form, this Cubs team is nothing more than mediocre. The Cubs do have a boat load of talented players, who statistics say should rebound for strong (or even massive) second half seasons. Nevertheless, this current Cubs teams has some holes to fill if they indeed intend to return to the postseason again this year.

I would love to throw out wild scenarios where the Cubs could dump some underachieving veterans in the outfield, but looking at the contracts still owed (figures include entire 2009 season salaries) Soriano (6 yrs @ $100M), Fukudome (3 yr @ $36M) and Bradley (3 yr @ $30M), this just isn't a reality.

Here's where the Dobber thinks the Cubbies need to improve, which players could fit the bill, and what current Cubs could be expendable.

Bullpen

Needed: The Cubs could stand to add another lefty into the bullpen to complement Sean Marshall, but in reality, any reliable RP would be a big addition to the Cubs current pen.

The Target: Houston Street (CL, COL - 1 yr @ $4.5M)

The Likelihood: Street is a very attractive bullpen arm who has a contract that could match up to the Cubs, providing the Cubbies could offer a package of young arms that Colorado would find attractive. The big hurdle in any Street deal though is the Rockies position to make the post seasn. Due to playing in the same division as the Dodgers, the Rockies are currently 8.5 out in the NL West. However, the Rockies are only 1 game out in the Wild Card. Unless the Rockies take a tumble in July, the likelihood of Colorado dealing their closer is slim at best.

The Target: John Grabow (RP, PIT - 1 yr @ $2.3M)

The Likelihood: Grawbow's name has been popping up all over trade rumors for weeks now. And why not? The Pirates stink and seem to be in one of the biggest fire-sale modes in recent memory. Grabow has big league experience and the biggest draw to the Cubs is that he doesn't walk many batters. Hendry should take notice of Grabow, as he could likely be had for a prospect in the Cubs farm system. Not that the Cubs have a ton of prospects that other teams salivate for, but certainly they have an arm (Hart, Patton, Ascanio) that could interest the Pirates.

The Target: George Sherill (RP, BAL - 1 yr @ $2.5M)

The Likelihood: Sherill has netted 48 saves over the past two seasons and would be a great acuqisition for the Cubs. Although would the Cubs be able to pry Sherill from the Orioles? Jim Hendry has shown a propensity of dealing with the Orioles in the past. However, in order to land Sherill, Hendry would likely have to depart with a young arm the Orioles such as Samardjzia, Marshall or Guzman. Would the Cubs be willing to part with one of these promising arms at a chance for another shot at the postseason? The Dobber doesn't think so.

The Target: Chad Qualls (RP, ARI - 1 yr @ $2.5M)

The Likelihood: Qualls is intriguing because he has been both healthy and consistent over his career. Plus he plays for the D-Backs, who should consider all trades that come their way. I think Qualls could be a nice acquisition and someone the Cubs might be able to pry away for a couple of prospects. Keep a read on this one, as a Qualls trade just seems to have Hendry written all over it.

The Verdict: Street and Sherill are long shots, but Qualls, Grabow, or a comparable pitcher are defintely likely. The bullpen is cause for concern and look for Hendry to address this before July 31st.


Middle Infield

Needed: A middle infielder who can hit above the Mendoza line. Preferrably a higher OBP guy who could give Lou "another leadoff option" and move Soriano down in the lineup where he so frankly deserves. Hendry would likely prefer a 2B, but a SS that would move Theriot to 2B isn't out of the question.

The Target: Freddy Sanchez (2B, PIT - 2 yrs @ $12.6M)

The Likelihood: While the likelihood doesn't appear high, the Pirates are selling starts off left and right. Plus, Hendry has been known to work deadline deals with the Pirates in the past, so why not? But with Sanchez's contract and the word that the Cubs inability to add payroll, Sanchez in a Cubs uniform is likely nothing more than a pipe dream.

The Target: Felipe Lopez (2B, ARI - 1 yr@ $3.5M)

The Likelihood: The D-Backs are going no where this year and should hit fire-sale mode sometime soon. With Lopez's impending free agent status, it would be in the D-Backs best interest to get something for him while they can. Providing Lopez keeps up his strong start this year, Lopez could be a steal for the Cubs.

The Target: Julio Lugo (SS, BOS - 2 yr @ $18M)

The Likelihood: The Lugo contract has been widely ridiculed the last two years and Lugo has not performed up to the $9M a year deal he signed prior to the 2007 campaign. Lugo is having a nice bounce back year, but in order for a Lugo deal to work out, Boston would likely have to take Miles, his bad contract and eat some of Lugo's salary too. With Lugo actually hitting the ball and getting on base this season, while Miles can't hit or stay healthy, this is nothing more than an idea with no chance of becoming a reality.

The Target: Cristian Guzman (SS, WAS - 1 yr @ $8M)

The Likelihood: Guzman is having a very productive and healthy season for the Nats, but the fact of the matter is the Nats stink. They should be looking to ditch payroll and get young players they can control over the next few years. While the Cubs may have a few players that fit that bill, the bigger problem is that they likely can't add the payroll this season. Even if the Cubs could get the Nats to take Miles, they still would have to add about $5.5M in salary this season, and that doesn't seem likely.

The Verdict: Unless the Cubs are allowed to add payroll, the choices of impact middle infielders seem limited to either Lopez or hope a combination of Miles/Fontenot can rebound for a strong second half.


Cubs Tradeable Commodities:

Mike Fontenot - Fontenot is under team control at the league minimum for two more seasons, so he could be a guy other teams take a look at. Mike hasn't played particularly well this season, but a change of scenary state of mind might make other teams take a look.

Aaron Miles - Signing Miles to a 2 yr @ $4.9M contract seems to be one of Hendry's big offseason mistakes. Although for for every reason the Cubs would want to deal Miles is the exact reason other teams don't want him.

Micah Hoffpauir - Hoffpauir is likely only intriguing to AL teams, but could help fetch a much needed middle INF or bullpen arm that the Cubs need. Hoffpauir could raise interest to any NL teams who could use a 1B, but that list likely only contains the D-Backs and Giants.

Jake Fox - As with Hoffpauir, Fox is likely best suited for the AL. His recent work at 3B could make it attractive to other NL teams, but Fox will likely gain the most interest from AL teams looking for a DH or impact bat off the bench.

Sam Fuld - Fuld's first two games since being called up on July 1 could make him attractive trade bait to teams looking for good yound talent. While Fuld looks like he can play, unless he learns to play 2B, he's stuck in the Cubs organizational depth chart. It would be nice to keep good young talent, but for a team that's built to win now, the Cubs are better off getting an MLB ready player in a position they need help in rather than holding onto a player who likely won't get everyday playing time for at least a few more years.

Dobber's Match Day 34 Predictions

Talk about horrible matchups in the Prem this week. Rather than giving on of our chosen matches the "Toilet Stinker Match of the Week" award this week, I'm mixing things up and giving the whole damn lot the title. That's right, this weekend's fixtures look so unappealing, I'm labeling Match Day 34 as "Toilet Stinker Match Day of the Year." I honestly don't see a single match that will be exciting. Hopefully I'm proved wrong and we see some great footy. But after the mid-week classic at Anfield on Tuesday, this weekend looks like the fat chick you notice sleeping in your bed the morning after a Jim Beam bender.

Bolton 1 Aston Villa 1
A pivotal match for Villa, as they attempt to fight off Everton for the right to represent the Prem League in the UEFA cup. Problem for Villa is they are playing like pure butt. I mean, they haven't even scored 3 pts since Feb. 7th for Christ's sake. I hope they've enjoyed their run in the top 4 & 5 of the table this season, because after this weekend, the ride is over.

Everton 2. Manchester City 0
After a thrilling PK victory against ManU, Everton is the little engine that could in the soccer world right now. And I can say short of Everton squaring off against Arsenal, nothing made the Dobber happier than watching our U.S. boy Howard thwart off ManU to earn his club a shot at a cup. Everton is riding high and they will continue to do so at home, all the way up to the 5th spot in the league table after this week's fixture with Man City.

Manchester United 3 Tottenham 0
I'm deeming this fixture the "Toilet Stinker Match of the Week" not because the two teams are terrible (okay, well one is), but because this match is so lopsided, it won't be fun to watch. ManU will be pissed from their FA Cup semifinal defeat and Tottenham, well, Tottenham just plan right blows.

Arsenal 2 Middlesbrough 0
Arsenal had two heartbreaking outcomes this past week, losing in the FA Cup semifinal to Chelsea and settling for a draw at Anfield on Tuesday. Both fixtures were winnable, and both should have been won. The problem....the ineptitude of Arsenal's back line to stop and attack when so desparately needed. Let's see, a terrible play by Fabianski that just gives Drogba the winning goal, followed up by porous play by the backline in the final minutes at Anfield to give away 2 pts. I mean, how to do you give up an equaliser in extra time when you just scored the go ahead in extra time? Luckily for Arsenal, Boro does not have the attack of Chelsea or Liverpool.

Hull City 1 Liverpool 3
Liverpool was lucky to gain a point on Tuesday, grasping a victory from the jaws of defeat. This weekend they won't have the same problem against Hull City. Torres goes off for a hat trick and Liverpool maintain pace with ManU in the chase for the title.

BPL Predictions 04/25 - 04/27

"Howdy y'all!!!"

"Go on, git!!!"

"I done seen you yesterday."

AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I gave a vocabulary test last week to my freshmen classes, and check this out. The words consisted of the following:

1. comprehend
2. repetition
3. exempt
4. vain
5. commend
6. maim
7. toil
8. final
9. blunder
10. mourn
11. daze
12. subside

Aside from one class that had a class average of 85%, I had another with a 63% average, and two others with 75% and 71%. Are you freaking kidding me? It has a matching section, a fill in the blank section, and a section on matching terms to real-life examples, etc. I actually design the test so that there will be lots and lots of perfect scores. In fact, I give bonus points to any student who earns a perfect score. I offer extra incentive for perfection. The rich keep getting richer. It doesn't matter though for they are too f****************************** stupid.

So anyways, it looks like it will be an interesting weekend in the Prem..............not.

Bolton 1 Aston Villa 1

This is sure to be an extremely unexciting match. Bolton are a side that usually play well at home, and the Villains have been shit for the past two months, so I guess you never know though. Most likely we will all be witnesses to a sluggish midfield match that fails to compare even to watching The Simpsons remain relevant. Hopefully instead we'll all be stunned and "shocked" at a whirlwind of fantastic footwork, teamwork, and shoddy goalkeeping so we can see lots of goals. My prediction? We see lots of circle jerk instead. Did I mention I'm still laughing at the divine rise and traumatic fall of Villa!!!!!! Did I also mention anyone who roots for Bolton is a total stroke wand?

Everton 3 Man City 1

Everton have been playing some very high quality soccer lately. Their draw versus United last weekend may have been somewhat of a farce considering it was the A-team against United's B-team, but... in light of that, Everton is no United either way so it was still a nice win, especially for Timmy-Ho who came up big in PKs. F***************** United. Moving on, ManCity were good for what? 2-3 weeks at the beginning of the season. Wow did the wheels ever fall off or what. They might get a goal, but it is a certainty they let in more than they score. This is still going to be a borefest.

Man United 3 Spurs 0

Who honestly thinks that Spurs can come into Old Trafford and score a point, let alone score a goal? Show me this man who believes, and I will show you a man with a tiny wang and no sense of reality... Ladies and Gentlemen... Eugene Turk!!!!! Sorry Eug, I couldn't resist the opportunity. The next low-blow goes to Dobby "Dobber" McDobbymeister-ton. The Red Devils defense lately has been maybe at its weakest since Christmas maybe, but it is still top notch. The fact that Spurs could possibly still fight for UEFA Cup (or Europa League... is that its new gay name?) does not matter because the truth of the matter is that they still suck. United could basically close out the Prem with their next two wins... maybe not mathematically, but c'mon it's over already isn't it? I hate United, but only for this reason: When they smell blood, they kill everything off. This is no different. Bye bye Spurs.

Arsenal 2 Boro 1

The Boro-ites, or whatever the hell is their nickname, always seem to be a tough match for the Gunners to overcome no matter how much more talented they may be. Southgate's teeth are certain to make an appearance at some point, and Gooners can only hope it is in the form of a painful grimace as they get their asses stomped left and right. However, it could be as he sinks those gnarled mashers into the throat of Wenger as they celebrate victory... or in Boro's case even a draw would be fantastic. All-in-all, the important thing here is that everyone felt a twinge of strangeness from the overly grotesque descriptions of Gareth's teeth.

Hull City 0 Liverpool 3

I have been reading about Hull City's managerial collapse, and all I can do is laugh. What a joke that is. Liverpool make this an easy road trip as they thoroughly dominate literally the entire match. Hull need something to keep their hopes of staying afloat at the top level, but the Reds are too tough even with dreams of still winning the Prem fading by the moment.

Adios amigos. Until next time, don't pee on the electric fence.

The NBA... it's Faaaaaaaaannnnnntastic!

Apparently Eugene and his brothers were goofing around about the new NBA slogan of "Where Amazing Happens" and how other words or phrases are substituted for "Amazing." For example, "The NBA... Where Playoff Drama Happens" or whatever. Of course, they not only butchered the slogan on the surface, but they also drove a stake through the heart of it. Furthermore, I couldn't let this opportunity pass by without adding my two cents, so here we go...

The NBA...
where on-court mini-people/mini-bus tours happen
where good fundamentals happen
where no college education happens
where fake injuries happens
where Bill Walker happens
where people read good happens
where strip-club shootouts happen
where caring (for the size of your paycheck) happens
where choking your coach happens
where a player stars in all-time classic films as Kazaam and Steel happens
where same said player says he can't be figured out just like the Pythagorean Theorem happens
where nicknames like Birdman happens
where no conspiracies happen
where Tank Johnson would be a choirboy happens

please don't hesitate to add to this list

Oh and Eugene and Dobber... we need to get our predictions back on board this weekend!!! Let's pick some games you bloody wankers. Yep. I said wankers.

Dobber's Match Day 31 Predictions

In the span of the last 10 minutes, Dobber Jr. blew up a diaper, spit up and pissed on Dobber Sr. Needless to say, I'm short for time in this week's posting. So without further adieu, here are Dobber's predictions for Match Day 31 with absolutely no analysis to support them whatsoever.

Blackburn 1 Tottenham 1 - Toilet Stinker Match of the Week

Arsenal 2 Manchester City 1

Fulham 0 Liverpool 2

Newcastle 0 Chelsea 3

Manchester United 2 Aston Villa 1

MatchDay 31

I have to apologize for the long absence. I don't exactly remember the past two weeks. I am pretty sure Ace dropped me a strong ruffy that has had me on a coke binge. All I do remember is waking up at Ace's house and watching a USA demolition of T and T. A few observations from that most memorable of nights:
1. Jozy is ready for the big time.
2. DMB is the best left winger acting like a LB that the USA has.
3. Timmy has turrets which is absolutely awesome.
4. The USA definitely worked on their back heels during the week.

On to the Predictions:

Blackburn 0-2 Tottenham
You might have Big Sam Blackburn Rovers but the Spurs not only have Harry Houdini but they also hold the EPL's best form over the previous 6 matches. Harry has got the best playing team right now and will run riot over the Rovers this weekend. Keane, Modric, and Pavulechenko will give Blackburn all they can handle. GO SPURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arsenal 2-2 Manchester City
This was a tough game to call. Arsenal at home and with the most talented team by far on the pitch all signs pointed to a Arsenal route. But upon further review this is one of those classic slip up games for Arsenal. ManCity is a talented team that doesn't always play their best footy but Arsenal seem to overlook these teams, especially when they are at home. Add into that Wenger will probably replace a fit CM for one just coming off an injury and the team chemistry might be hurt. I see an entertaining game with plenty of chances but once again Arsenal will be incapable of finishing off a game ManCity team.

Fulham 1-4 Liverpool
My heart wants a close game with the smaller club, Fulham, coming through with a good result but Liverpool is just to talented and playing way to well at this moment. Gerard and Torres torment the Fulham defense all game and will come away with all three points from the Cottage.

Newcastle 1-2 Chelsea
Newcastle has a new manager but will have the same old results. This team is just not that good. The only thing that will save them from total destruction in that this game is at home and King Shearer has come to try and save the club from relegation.

Manchester United 1-1 Aston Villa
This is my upset special of the week. Manchester United have not played well and a week away from each other will not improve their form. This has a tie written all over it. Of course I could be wrong and ManU wins by 5. Go Villa!!!!!!!!!!

Until next time do not have sex with a man, unless your into that sort of thing, ACE!!!!!!!!!!

BPL Predictions 04/04 - 04-06

Hello sports fans! I know it's been awhile since you've heard from the trio of morons, but we all have good excuses. Dobber had a kid (or so he says). Eugene was too busy buying his signature "Eugene Turk" Nikes online. And yours truly, Ace McGee, has been too busy with his new subscription to Playboy, if you know what I mean. Anyway, this past international break was interesting as the US squeaked out a draw versus El Salvador and then blew out TNT. Then Argentina got smacked down by Bolivia. Oh, and the Mexicans lost to Honduras. After seeing that last result, I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in all my life. F*CK Mexico.

Now on to the predictions!

Blackburn 2 Spurs 0
This game looks interesting. Yeah... it might almost be as exciting as watching shit stink. Spurs cannot handle the type of game that Big Sam wants to play. It will be your stereotypical "knock down, drag out" game, except Spurs won't be fighting back much. Rovers will get their usual set piece goal and who knows, maybe an actual run-of-play goal just for fun. Harry Houdini has just about run of magic tricks for this under-talented team that is also the frontrunner for the Gayest Team in England award.

Arsenal 3 Man City 1
Man City are slop. Arsenal are playing their best soccer of the year. I figure the return of Fabregas to the lineup will start off a bit sluggish, but in the end will be a huge factor as the Gunners keep up their goal-scoring run. Adebayor is supposed to be back up top alongside Van Persie, which I believe is one of, if not the best, strike partnerships in the league. Look for both teams to be on the offensive from start to finish. Having said that, Robinho or Ireland will be dangerous, but Almunia will deny all but one as the Gunners power and finesse their way to victory.

Fulham 1 Liverpool 3
I would love to see Fulham pull another upset in this fixture, but let's be honest... Liverpool are on a mission and will not falter. In fact, it may be worse than my prediction as the Reds run away with this one. The only thing that could possibly be a factor is that I'm sure the international break will affect Liverpool more. I don't know too many Cottagers playing for their country, except Deuce "Don't Tread on Me" Dempsey. To be completely honest, I'm not sure if I know 2 players on the entire Fulham squad. Is that bad considering they are my 2nd favorite BPL team? Ah who gives a rat's ass anyway. Go Fulham! Beat those bloody Reds!

Newcastle 1 Chelsea 2
I guess Shearer is back. I guess too that the question is whether or not he can turn a bunch of shit-kickers into a soccer team. Will his influence be enough to make a difference? Against Chelsea, I highly doubt it. I would recommend watching the first 20-30 minutes as it will be a back-and-forth contest with lots of passion and pace. However, when Chelsea go up 2-0, the game will lose its luster.

Man United 3 Aston Villa 0
I have a bad (ok it's actually really really good) feeling that Villa have gotten so of course that they will easily fall into 6th or 7th before it's all said and done. United are 2-time champs because they eat alive teams that have no confidence. This match will be over early as United dominate possession through physical play, skill, and most importantly, intelligence. Even if Villa are lucky enough to score the first goal, United's resolve is too strong not to equalize and push through. If that does happen (Villa scores first), I think it will be interesting to see if Villa sit back and defend or if they keep going forward. Will O'Neill want to preserve the points? Or will he believe it's more important to give his players that missing confidence by looking for more goals? Hmmm we shall see.

Until next time, get drunk as often as you can. Just don't get so messed up that you shit against a tree, fall forward, puke, and then pass out with your penis in an anthole.

Dobber's Match Day 28 Predictions

Dobber's continued success in the Trio's table continues this week with Match Day 28. After a rousing second leg of the Champions League, the league's best all advance and find themselves looking to ride the high to continued success on the pitch. Will they succeed? Who the hell knows. But I'm going to do my best to get it right this week. A number of 4 for 5 week predictions has The Dobber right on the cusp of a clean sheet. And this week I'm smelling that clean sheet. That, or I'm smelling Little Dobber's shit filled diaper he just blew up.

Hull City 1 Newcastle 0
Bet you thought this one had "Toilet Stinker Match of the Week" written all over it, didn't you. While it has the possibility and perhaps could be the "Dingleberry Match of the Week," Dobber's got a better toilet match this week. Still, this match will be mostly a snoozefest, until Hull City steal a victory with a goal in the 92nd minute. And that late winner ladies and germs is why this match avoids the toilet title.

Manchester United 2 Liverpool 1
The Dobber wishes he had the balls to pick Liverpool over ManU this week, but he just can't do it. As much as it pains me to say, ManU is just plain solid. They are deep, play great footy, and continuously get results. While they face a formidable opponent in Liverpool, they're still going to get the results.

Chelsea 3 Manchester City 0 - Toilet Stinker Match of the Week
Dobber hates both of these clubs. Both want to spend, spend, spend their way to the top. Chelsea isn't too bad at this strategy. They buy quality players while at the top of their game. Man City on the other hand absolutely blows at it. They constantly overspend for players who either can't get along, or are past their prime. Did I mention I hate these clubs? Cause I do. And that's why I'm dubbing this match the "Toilet Stinker Match of the Week." Mainly because I hate both clubs and wish somehow a giant airplane would fly Stamford Bridge and dump their sewage all over the pitch. But in reality, this is the "Toilet Stinker Match of the Week" because Chelsea will destroy Man City and this won't be much fun to watch.

Aston Villa 1 Tottenham 1
After a horrid start to the season, Tottenham has finally strung together a series of results that find them in the middle of the pack. Meanwhile, after Aston Villa's early season success, they are sputtering as of late. Fortunately for Aston Villa, Arsenal has done pretty much nothing over the same span and Villa still sits in the coveted 4th spot in the table. Villa will still stay in the 4th spot after this weekend, but Arsenal will be nipping on their heals, when Villa is only able to compile a draw against a squad they should walk over.

Arsenal 2 Blackburn 0
Arsenal escaped Rome this week with a thrilling PK showdown and find themselves on two possible runs at glory in both the CL and the FA Cup. Unfortunately the EPL has not been as kind to the Gunners, as they continuously drop points to inferior opponents. After Arsenal's putrid February I swore that I would not predict a Gunner victory until they finally pulled their heads out of their arse's. Arsenal's heads are finally out of their proverbial arse's and will regain form in gaining 3 points when they should gain 3 points.

Match Day 28

It seems like its been forever since I have posted. But with rest comes perspective and knowledge. With perspective and knowledge come a big Eugene victory this week. i am feeling 5 for 5.

Hull City v Newcastle
Hull City is at home and I am dreaming of seeing Newcastle in the Championship next year. I am feeling like Hull City will recapture their early season form and prove their worth and their credentials to stay in the EPL. I hope Newcastle enjoys life in Championship next year.
Hull City 2-1 Newcastle

Aston Villa v Tottenham
Does any two teams playing these weekend need a win like both these teams. Tottenham needs a win to cement their place in the EPL for next year and Villa need a to keep their hopes alive for a Champions League spot and the big money that comes with it. Villa comes alive for this game and Harry can do nothing about it.
Aston Villa 3 - 1 Tottenham

Chelsea v Manchester City
I could not care less about these two teams and this game in particular. If both teams can loss i would vote for that outcome but since that is not possible i will have to make a prediction. Chelsea's defense is not as strong as everybody makes it out to be and ManCity's offense seems to be hitting on all cylinders. I see an upset.
Manchester City 2-1 Chelsea

Arsenal v Blackburn
BLOWOUT!!!!!!!!!All we need to know is that Blackburn's goalkeeper is Paul Robinson, yeah that Paul Robinson.
Arsenal 4 - 0 Blackburn

And on to the main event..............
Manchester United v Liverpool
Both teams look to be in pure form. If anyone saw either teams Champions League matches these teams were pure class. I so want the title race to be something more than just a forgone conclusion. I want Liverpool to make a run at the title and possibly win it. Old Trafford might be United's fortress but they haven't faced a Torres/Gerrard combo that seems to be in tune. This might be the game of the year and FSC has once again failed to deliver. UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Liverpool 2-1 Manchester United. Torres and Gerrard with back breakers. Go Liverpool!!!!

Until next time.............don't eat where you shit and don't shit where you eat!!!!!!!!

BPL Predictions 03/14 - 03/16

So I was playing NCAA March Madness '08 this week (I bought it used for $8). I always change the names of new recruits to give them the most ridiculous names ever because it's quite funny seeing the NCAA Player of the Week as Raul Duke or Slappy Wilson. Well, I was toying around with it and apparently pushed the X button, which gave him a random name. I was not aware of this, so you can imagine my excitement when my point guard's name became Colby Manhand. Manhand? Seriously? Why was this name even an option? Needless to say, my curiosity got the best of me so I decided to try it again, and this time Idi Nax came up. Really?? What the hell kind of names does this game think are simply "random"? It only gets more ridiculous when I say that as coach of the Indiana State Sycamores, Coach Riki Tiki Tavi, I have taken the program to a 54 game winning streak and two consecutive national titles while still in the MVC. Who was the starting point guard you might ask? Yep, you guessed it. Colby Manhand.

Anyway, the next day I whipped Eugene's ass at FIFA like I usually do. He tried the old 7-2-1 defensive formation, which got a pretty decent laugh from my boy SRed7 in Calera, Alamama. What up dOOd?!!! Yeah, it's 7 defenders (5 in or in front of the box and 2 on corners) 2 deep wingers, and a striker all by his lonesome. Good times...

On to the show... I look to regain my place back at the top of the 3 Morons' "Nostradamus" list. Actually, I have no idea where I stand in points right now. Does anybody know? Or care?


Hull City 1 Newcastle 1
This is definitely the “Sticky and Hard-To-Wipe-Clean Pooper” Match of the Week. Congratulations Hull on the great start to your season! Too bad it was just an illusion and you’re on track to be flushed back to where you belong! The Championship! Yay! Congratulations Newcastle on your horrible start and continually disappointing season! You should also be relegated because you suck! Ya-hoooooo! Anyway, the paragraph you just read will be 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times more exciting than the match. We may see some goals, but most likely we’ll see a bunch of nothing. Besides, who really gives a rat's ass?

Man United 2 Liverpool 1
I think this has the potential to be a fabulous game. Apparently some “hate” comments have come out to fuel the fire as bulletin board material. Which team will be able to quell the flame though? Old Trafford obviously offers a comfort zone for United, but Liverpool will be jacked up for this one so I think the home field advantage might not be so important. What will be important, however, is the consistency and class of United versus that of the Reds… and United win by a goal!

Chelsea 3 Man City 0
I have a reason to think that this match will not even be close. Chelsea had a tough match midweek in the CL and will be looking to continue their run. Plus, they will be playing with the belief that Liverpool can take a point (or 3) from their Sunday match with United and begin to narrow the gap to a first-place spot in the BPL. Man City are already looking to next year, and I don’t really think they will have much trouble closing out a spot in Europe. What do they have to play for? Hughes? I doubt it since he will get canned at season’s end. Pride? I doubt that either because their “leader” is a sell-out. Most of them will be gone in the summer when the owners clean house (except for stars) and look to fit in more star power.

Aston Villa 1 Spurs 2
I’m back to believing (and praying) that Villa have run out of steam for the time being. They may have the lead on Arsenal by 3 points, but I think they realize they still have a mountain to climb with the difficulty of their remaining schedule. They have truly been on a run of poor form lately and need something to cheer about again, but a match against a motivated and well-coached and a fairly hot team in Spurs is not the answer. Spurs go up two goals before Villa snatch a late goal making the end exciting. I’m sure Spurs will be excited about the win, but they won’t be happy to help out their arch rivals in reaching the coveted fourth place.

Arsenal 2 Blackburn 0
Arsenal’s defense has been really good as of late (except for that strange goal vs. Roma), and their offense is heating up at the right time. Blackburn stole some points against Fulham midweek and have taken into Big Sam’s theory… as many set pieces, crosses, and men in front of goal as possible. I don’t think Arsenal allow the Rovers to come into the Emirates this week and take anything. In fact, Arsenal’s BPL goal-drought will end with at least a pair, and they get another clean sheet too.


Until next time chaps... don't ever wear chaps or say "that chaps my ass." You'll either look or sound like a jackass or a flamer. Actually, I'm laughing my ass off right now because "that chaps my ass" is really funny to say. In fact, I'm laughing so hard, my ass is chapping. Uh... later.

Dobber's Match Day 27 Predictions

After taking a week off from predicting the EPL while taking care of the Dobber Jr., Dobber Sr. is back and better than ever. The Dobber plans to regain his EPL prediction supremacy on this blog and there's no better way to do that than to predict my predictions. Typically the trio does alright, 3 or 4 correct predictions. But this week, Dobber's going one step above the typical threshold and predicting that his predictions will earn a clean sheet. Predicting predictions sounds radical eh? or just plan stupid. Either way, that's how I'm rollin this mornin.

Arsenal 2 Fulham 0
The arrival of Andrei Arshavin has made an immediate impact in creating chances for Arsenal around the goal. Unfortunately, those chances haven't turned into goals for the Gunners in their last few EPL fixtures, and while Arsenal hasn't lost since Nov. 22nd to Manchester City, with only a series of draws to show for they're last few matches in leauge play, they haven't seized their opportunities to climb back into Champions League qualifying contention. Arsenal will get their points today when Fulham arrives at the Emirates, but unfortunately for the Gunners, they won't close the gap on Aston Villa.

Hull City 2 Blackburn 0
Hull City has to be the feel good story of the EPL season. They are a fun club to watch as they go head to head with everyone in the league, rather than taking a right turn onto "Pansy Way Blvd" that so many other clubs have done so far this year. Hull City will go full steam ahead this week too, and with a matchup with Blackburn, they'll get the three points, and even a clean sheet to boot, that they deserve.

Sunderland 1 Tottenham 1
Both teams recently drew with Arsenal and that is the brightest spot in both club's seasons to date. To say this season is a disappointment for Tottenham is an understatement. Not many expected Sunderland to do much, so they fact they are occassionaly competitive is a good thing. Bottom line, both teams aren't good and when you have club's that aren't good playing each other, that doesn't make for a very good match. Hit the snooze button and skip this one.

Aston Villa 3 Stoke City 1
Dobber's been waiting for Aston Villa to drop points and fall out of the coveted fourth spot in the table for the past few weeks. Villa did their part with a draw to Wigan and a loss to Chelsea, but the club right behind them, Arsenal did nothing to take advantage. If Arsenal thinks this week might be the week to close the gap, they've got another thing coming. Villa runs away with this one and barely breaks a sweat.

Bolton 0 Newcastle 0
Boy did we have a number of choices for Toilet Stinker Match of the Week in this weekend's fixtures. Seriously, who picked these matches for the trio to predict? Hell, the Dobber thinks their are going to many toilet stinker's this week. Although this one will be the festering turd among all EPL fixtures. Mark the Dobber's words, this match will be an uninspiring, boring match that will make fans want to make their own prison shank and stab themselves repeatedly.

Matchday 27

It surely has been awhile since my last post. I have been on a little hiatus but my attorney calls it jail. I really don't see the need to arrest a man for trying to smuggle $50,000 worth of drugs into the United States in a body cavity. I should get a damn medal not a jail term with possible prison sentence. Anyways...........

Here's this weeks predictions:

Arsenal 3-1 Fulham
Arsenal has to many weapons and Fulham not enough. Side note: who looks smarter in the whole selling of Jimmy Bullard. Fulham gets some much needed cash and young prospect and Hull City get to pay a surgeon to fix the messed up knee of Bullard. hated the move at the time but it looks like pure genius right now.

Hull City 2 - 1 Blackburn
The return to glory for Hull City. This is a home game and no way they lose, i can see a draw but not a loss. This will effectively be the three points that ensures survival.

Sunderland 1 - 3 Tottenham
Harry rested his stars for the UEFA Cup dud and will have a fresh squad to run out against a very poor Sunderland. Although I have to admit to taking a liking to Djibril Cisse. His hair is more than enough for me to take a liking to him.

Aston-Villa 4 - 0 Stoke City
Martin O'Neill has a fresh and hungry side to run out and totally control and demolish a weak and going down Stoke.

Bolton 0 - 0 Newcastle
Shit game full of shit players. if a plane crashed into the pitch and totally took out both teams i might not cry.

Until next week..........don't listen to your parents. they are only there to ruin all your fun.

BPL Predictions 02/28 - 03/01

Howdy y'all! Hey did you guys see Aston Villa lost to CSKA in UEFA Cup play this week? Yep. Vagner Love and Yury Zhirkov each netted for the Moscow club. I wonder if at any point in the match the commentator said, "Love to Zhirkov for the score!" or "Love has done well, but Zhirkov is much more fun to watch."

Sorry fans, I have no "Redneckiest" shirt award this week.


Bolton 1 Newcastle 0
Like a magician pulls a rabbit from a hat, somehow the Wanderers will pull a win out of their ass at the Reebok. I have had way too much faith in the Potpies, I mean Magpies, to be a better squad this year. However, they are as inconsistent as Arsenal and can’t seem to find goals in half of their games. They are probably due for a couple in this one, but Bolton hold them off.

Hull City 0 Blackburn 2
If I had lots of money to gamble with, I would put it all down on the Rovers in this one. I might be duped, but I’m pretty sure Hull might be in the drop zone before long… “Look out below!” says the entire city of Hull in one big, collective shout. Blackburn are too disciplined to lose against the Tigers, even on the road. Expect Santa Cruz, Roberts, and McCarthy to terrorize early and often. It could be worse than the score above.

Sunderland 1 Tottenham 1
Dobber will probably pick either of the above matches as his “Toilet Stinker,” but let’s be real here. We were all joking at the fact in pre-season that Sunderland were predicted to be a top ten team because they had acquired so many studs. The funny thing was that they were all Spurs-castaways (note: Spurs finished bottom ten last year). So what were they going to do? Take a bunch of overrated, undertalented players and mold them into stars? No no no. If this isn’t the “Toilet Stinker,” it is at least the “Greasy Fart Stain” match of the week.

Aston Villa 2 Stoke City 0
Why should Villa lose this game? No reason exists. I will laugh my ass off if they do though.

Arsenal 3 Fulham 1
Arsenal cannot keep squandering points in 0-0 draws each week. Wow! They are unbeaten in X-number of games in all competitions! Who gives a shit because they haven’t won half of them. Is this the week they finally break free from the bonds of negativity? I believe so because the Cottagers are at least halfway decent in attack and will not be able to resist the urge to push forward. I would like to see Deuce Dempsey in the limelight, but in the end would much rather see his side lose miserably. Don’t worry Deuce! You’ll be playing El Salvador soon enough!


Until next time... wash behind your ears, under your sack, and between your cheeks.

Eugene's Picks

These are Eugene's picks, he just decided to forego his duties and disrespect the code of the 3 Morons. What a deviant. What a sham this is. Of all the low-down, dirty-scoundrel, rat-gnawing-on-your-ass horrible things that could be done, Eugene has just put the icing on the cake.

Ok, actually he's on his way to watch some bball and then go get wasted with me afterward.

Holla!


Aston Villa 2 Chelsea 1

Arsenal 3 Sunderland 0

Manchester United 4 Blackburn 1

Liverpool 2 Manchester City 1

Newcastle 0 Everton 1

Until next time... please let me eat your poop. --From Eugene

BPL Predictions 02/21 - 02/23

If only I had seen that Spurs and Hull were playing Monday, I would have totally recommended we predict that one instead (Hull wins 1-0)... but I digress.

This week's fixtures are ok. I think that these games we are foreseeing have a lot of potential, but will they impress or disappoint in the end? Maybe even a better question is... who gives a rat's ass? As long as Arsenal wins and Chelsea and Villa manage to both lose (despite playing each other), I will be happy. Now I'm not hoping for an injury to a member of either of those teams (or 3-4 injuries), but I certainly wouldn't lose sleep because of it. Most likely I'd stay up all night drinking, celebrating, singing Villa and Chelsea hate songs and Glory Glory Fuck United and high-fiving myself in the mirror. But, once again, I digress.

Aston Villa 1 Chelsea 2
I’m not sure exactly how he’ll do it, but Guus will have the Blues ready to play. The players will have the typical “rejuvenation” of a new coach, blah blah blah. It’s funny that I have been hoping for Villa to lose so much this year, but now I want them to win. Why? Because Chelsea is closer for Arsenal to catch in that 4th spot. However, if Villa is to lose this match, it could spurn a slump…hmmm…maybe it’s not so bad afterall.

Arsenal 2 Sunderland 0
I think this could have been a very entertaining match with Eduardo back in the red and white, but now he’s out again for a couple weeks along with Ade. It seems as if Arshavin will have his league debut and I’m counting on him to net along with one of the partnering stikers of RvP or Bendtner. Sunderland will probably drop 15 men behind the ball (11 players, manager, referee, and 2 linesman) and try to kill the entire 90 minutes. The only problem is that they will suck as long and hard as Dobber and Eugene do every holiday season together.

Manchester United 3 Blackburn 0
This will start off interesting, and then will become the complete opposite of that unless you’re a Red Devil fan. United’s defense, offense, and special teams is just too good. Oh and Blackburn blows like Dobber and Eugene do… actually, I’m going to spare our “readers” this simile, ok guys?

Liverpool 1 Manchester City 1
Something tells me that the halfway decent Man City will indeed show up and give the Reds a valiant contest. In fact, I think a point will be deserved between these two teams as it is an up-and-down match with lots of action, but no real substance.

Newcastle 2 Everton 1
This may very well be my “Shock the World and Shit Your Pants” pick of the week. Newcastle has three key starters back available for action this weekend and you have to believe that Everton wants all three points, so it should equal a high-paced, offensive match with hopefully little or no defense. I say a 2-1 score because Everton is involved, but it could be more.

Until next time, don't pee your pants. It's not actually cool like Miles Davis. Later fucksticks!

Keeping It Fresh

So this week's winner of the redneckiest t-shirt award goes to another student whose shirt read the following: Stand up and take it like a man! with a picture of a deer with a target (bullseye) on it and a hunter in the background in a deer stand. Apparently the hunter is taunting the deer in this scene. It must be the ol' silent taunt because the hunter obviously doesn't want the deer to run away... or maybe the hunter is simply keeping his unkind words to himself as he doesn't want to offend the deer. He could be thinking "It is the 21st Century by golly." I'm sure he's an intelligent man with high values of equality and tolerance towards others who aren't like him because any behavior otherwise is not the way of the mountain man...aka Klan member and/or DUMB F*CK HILLJACKS. Plus, I'm sure he meant nothing with the gender slur either... why does it have to be a man? Women can be tough too in today's world, right? Then there's the damn deer, who has to be thinking "Who is this ass-clown sitting on a board in a tree pretending to blend in? Who the f*ck does this guy think he is? This is my hood!" Seriously, what the hell would that hunter do if their roles were reversed? ..."Son of a bitch! I'm getting shot at and all I want is some damn breakfast!" Could you imagine being a deer with some shit-for-brains' stuffed head on your wall? "Howdy, how's you doin? Me? I is never been better. Oh that there head on that there wall over yonder? Yep, that was my first huntin trip. Got me a big ol' ugly son bitch. Serves him right fer eatin wild nuts and berries and mindin his own bih-ness."

Seriously what the fizznuck?


OK enough of that. On to the SOCCER!
So, congratulations to Eduardo da Silva on your monumental return. With Arshavin in the side now, Walcott back within weeks, and Cesc "on the mend," the Gunners could still make a push into the top 4. It appears as if it may be a mountain to climb, but if any team can get on a hot streak, it's Arsenal. Chelsea may be the team they beat out, instead of Villa, if they can manage to get back into it. I guess only time will tell.

Holla!

Oh and stay tuned for the return of the 3 Morons BPL Predictions this weekend!

Holla again!

Dobber's Match Day 25 Predictions

So how committed is the Dobber to this blog? How about only sleeping 20 minutes in the past 38 hours while helping coach the newest Dobber into the world, Dylan Miles Chiado, and still making a blog prediction post.

Although don't read too much into my bragging, this post will have no insight. I'm going quick and just throwing out scores. You got a problem with that? Then keep it to yourself cause I'm tired as hell and don't want to hear about it.

Blackburn 1 Villa 2

West Brom 1 Newcastle 3

Portsmouth 0 Liverpool 2

Wigan 1 Fulham 1 - Toilet Stinker Match of the Week

Tottenham 1 Arsenal 2

BPL Predictions 02/07 - 02/08

Arsene and Arsenal acquired Arshavin! I bet you can't say that 5 times in a row without sounding like a drunken seal in a nipple-grinder.

I have no idea what that means.

Anyway, the BPL is looking to hit us pretty hard this week with a handful of very intriguing games. Oh wait, I just remembered. This week's round of games blows ass, kind of like Eugene and Dobber do with each other every holiday.

But, without further ado...we, the 3 morons, must proceed to predict away regardless. I shall overcome last week's debacle with a better round this time out... I can 'feel' it in my gut. Unless that's the meatball sub I had for lunch making its way through. I bid you adieu! Farewell!

Blackburn 1 Aston Villa 1
After taking a peek at Blackburn’s recent form, they haven’t lost a match since early January. It’s hard to say that streak will end with the Villains coming to town, but I’m sure Big Sam has some tricks up his sleeve. Blackburn does still have two high-quality strikers in McCarthy and Santa Cruz. Villa, on the other hand, looks more and more each week like they will hold onto that 4th spot in the table…maybe even spring into 3rd. I have a feeling like they will come close to scoring a game-winner late, but Rovers will hang on like a crackwhore hangs onto a crackhead’s ding dong.

WBA 1 Newcastle 0
This week’s fixtures sure do suck. Think about it. We actually had to include this match. Wow. What a barn-burner. Both teams will approach this game with the idea that they can win it. The problem is that it’s not dance when two alike teams meet. It’s more like a head-butting battle. No one wins, and everyone gets dumber for participating and/or watching. West Brom sneaks one by though and takes a much-needed trio of points in hopes to get out of the bottom third. Newcastle fans don't really care though as they will be hammered drunk.

Portsmouth 1 Liverpool 2
Before Gerrard's injury, I would have said that Portsmouth stood about as much of a chance in this one as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. However, Portsmouth will keep it interesting while at home and will equalize before making a desperate push for the game-winner. Then, Liverpool, like a thief in the night, will steal it with a late goal. Tony Adams may very well be red-carded after this one, if you catch my drift.

Wigan 2 Fulham 2
If this were last year or the year before, this match would have been so boring that any normal person would rather watch shit stink or a corpse decompose, or a combination of both. However, these teams are both pretty decent this year, and both offer a different style. Wigan, in my opinion, are more of a grinding style. Fulham have a bit more edge and play with a bit more aggression near the goal but are more open to counter-attack. We’ll see how this one plays out, but I have a feeling it will tilt and swing like a carnival ride with some nice goals to boot.

Spurs 1 Arsenal 3
The last time these two met led to an unbelievable ending where, if I remember correctly, 3 (maybe 4) goals were scored in the final 10 minutes and injury time. Arsenal could not hold onto the lead and let Spurs steal a couple of big points. Spurs now have more of an attack with Keane back, but it will not be enough to dispose of their archrivals even at the Lane. The Gunners purchase of Arshavin definitely helps their team, and it may very well help this weekend. It will be a tight affair early and an early goal may be in the works. I can predict the second half will be much more exciting with some excellent open play. Go Gunners!


Until next time... Remember: don't lick used toilet paper.

Match Day 25

Well I would just like to congratulate myself on the fact that I am not posting this 3.8 minutes before the first kickoff on Saturday. But I have to be honest I am bit distracted about this weeks fixtures. Work, family life but most importantly the USA v Mexico match next Wednesday has all of my attention. I can't wait for that one and will be working up a huge preview of that game for next week. But on to this weekends fixtures:

I will be presenting these predictions in a descending order of attraction for me.

5. West Bromwich Albion 2-1 Newcastle
Couldn't care less about this game except it provides me with the hope that a team I would love to see get regulate, Newcastle, and a team i would like to see stay up, WBA. WBA is one of the most positive sides in the EPL. Their defense is shit and their chances of survival are slim but at least they try and play positive, attractive football. GO WBA!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Portsmouth 0 - 2 Liverpool
Torres is on form and the Portsmouth defense looked absolutely horrid versus Fulham. I think we could all agree that Liverpool has more attacking talent than Fulham even without Gerrard. This game is huge for both teams. If Portsmouth wants to stay up they need to get a result. If Liverpool is to be a true Champion contender then they need all three. Could see this game go either way but with a couple weak goals Liverpool will push through.

3. Blackburn 1-2 Aston Villa
Another big game for both squads. This game is much more important for Blackburn than for Aston Villa. Sitting at 18th in the table Blackburn will need to start getting results against whoever they play. Blackburn hasn't lost a league game since "Big Sam" has taken over but this Aston Villa team is second in the league in the past six games. The Villains will get Ashley Young back this week which will add even more attack and balance to an ever increasing confidence that this year the Big Four with be turned into a Big Five. GO VILLAINS!!!!!!!!

2. Tottenham 1-2 Arsenal
I can see this match going either way. With the inspirational return of Robbie Keane to the Spurs and the long awaited arrival of Andrey Arshavin to the Gunners, this game will bristle with attacking verve and is only a matter of which defense makes the least amount of mistakes. Even though Arsenal's defense is sketchy at best the defense of Tottenham's is just as bad, maybe worse. Arsenal will control possession and squeak out a result in the North London Derby.

And on to the most intriguing match of the day. Wigan v Fulham. On form both teams are level, earning the same exact points over the previous six games. Fulham is 4 points back of Wigan. This is truly a mid-table clash. But for all those reasons it still is not the main reason i rank this game the most intriguing. The reason i see this game as the best of the weekend is because of our boy Clint "The Deuce" Dempsey. Clint is the most consistent USAer playing in the top league in the world for a top ten team. Clint will bring the heat this weekend in his final tune-up to the major World Cup qualifier against hated rival "El Tri". Clint scores the game winner in this one and bags another mid-week against Mexico:
Wigan 1- 2 Fulham.

Until next week...........Don't be a Douchebag!!!!!!!

Match Day 23

I really wish Ace wouldn't make fun of the clothes I wear. I can't help it I love being a redneck. Anyways, I really don't have much to say except that I have been extremely disappointed in the transfer market. Am I to believe that the global economy is so bad that no one wants to pull out their balls and try and get at least one big gun for the stretch run. Even Manchester United and Chelsea have kept their dicks and checkbooks in their pants. It truly is a sad day. On to the predictions.

Tottenham 2 - 1 Stoke City
Harry Redknapp has been the busiest guy so far in the transfer market. Of course he is only buying more crap to put onto the already high crap pile of players at White Hart Lane. At least he is trying. Stoke suck, Tottenham suck less. Tottenham pull this one out.

Portsmouth 0 - 2 Aston Villa
David James is one of about three goalkeepers who can actually keep his team in a game but sadly all he does this week is keep his team from being beaten by more than two goals. Martin O'Neil makes a great move by bringing in Emile Heskey. This will be a big addition to the Villa attack. Young, Berry, Heskey, Agbonlahor, Milner, Petrov all will pose major threats to the Pompey defense and in the end all will be successful with a full three points.

Manchester City 3 - 0 Newcastle
Deep down I think all three morons believe that the Newcastle team is pretty good but sadly their team chemistry and spirit are lacking. Along with any semblance of a decent coach. ManCity's weapons run riot all over the pitch and take some heat from Mark Hughes.

Wigan 1-3 Liverpool
Liverpool need this. The players, the coaches, the owners and most specifically the fans need an easy win. They have fallen from the top spot and are in danger of fallen out of the race completely. Above all their confidence really needs a boost and there are way to many quality players on this roster to lose or even draw with Wigan. We might finally see Torres and Keane up top together. But to be honest for the first time I am beginning to question "Rafa" and all his tinkering. In two straight Merseyside derby's Keane and Torres did not play together. Horrible, just horrible. Maybe somehow his head will become dislodged from his ass and he will see the light of day with his team's selection. (Sorry to ramble but maybe just maybe I am a Liverpool fan).

Everton 1-1 Arsenal
Everton actually have the advantage when it comes to team form. Arsenal has the advantage when it comes to talent. This a game taylor made for the type of match that Moyes is known for. His team is at home, out gunned (sorry for the pun), out classed but not out played. This won't be the most attractive football but all Moyes and Evrton want is a point. They will bunker down and play 10 or 11 behind the ball and look for a counter-attack or a set piece to score their goal. Ace will absolutely hate this game and most football fans will too. But all Everton and Moyes has to answer to are thier fans and themselves. One more tangent. Even though I sometimes support Liverpool where in the world does Benitez get the idea that somehow he can critize Moyes for playing unattractive football. Benitez does not sign the paychecks at Everton and if he wanted to be happy at the end of the day why doesn't he send out his best squad day in and day out. For my money Moyes does more with less than any manager in the EPL. And to add to this I think Benitez will be leaving Liverpool at the end of the season.

Until next time make sure you wipe your asses with your left hand.

BPL Predictions 01/27 - 01/28

I saw a kid’s shirt today that read “In the spring I strut. In the fall I rut” and had a picture of a deer and a turkey on it. That pretty much sums it up boys... if you're a dumbass hilljack. I'm sure the ladies just come in swarms when they see big, dumb, camo-overall-toting morons wearing that high-class shirt. Git 'er dun!

I’m thinking that to numb my senses from this agonizing redneckiness, I will bring some joy to my life by thinking about our upcoming “weekday” extravaganza of BPL soccer!!! You’ll notice something strange about all my predictions… yep, they are all 2-1 scores. Why, you may ask? To the average dick, mine surpasses others in length and circumference almost by an almost 2:1 ratio. You don’t have to say it. I know it’s crazy. But it’s true. Now on to wisdom I shall pour forth unto thee.

Tottenham 2 Stoke 1
Spurs seem to be playing better once again after a bit of a slump through late December and earlier this month. Stoke has been better of late as well, but on the road they’re not very competitive. I see the final for this one ending in favor of Spurs considering Stoke are the only other team (besides Fulham) to be winless on the road so far this season. And the hits just keep on coming.

Portsmouth 2 Aston Villa 1
Ashley Young is out for the Villains, who could certainly use his pace against the slower, more “experienced” back line of Pompey. By experienced I mean older and more decrepit. HOWEVER, I’m sticking to my guns (noisy cricket in the left hand and tommy gun in the right) of 2-1 wins, and since I have it out for Villa and in my spite and bitterness will predict against them every week, I choose Pompey here in a battle of midfields. In the end, the quality of Kranjcaar and Crouch will prove costly for Villa in their quest to secure a 4th place spot.

Man City 1 Newcastle 2
What an awesome fixture...“this suit is black”…Not. Robinho’s infamous departure for his native Brazil will not help the cause at City. They already stink without him, and he is by far their best playmaker, scorer, defender, and probably goalkeeper. Newcastle pick up much needed points on the road in what is probably a decent game with a lot of open play.

Wigan 2 Liverpool 1
This is my “Old Man is Snoring” pick of the week. Liverpool come off their draw with Everton and now hit a bump in the road of their quest for PL trophy glory. Wigan’s recent sale of Heskey probably hurts a bit up top, but it does allow for some fresh blood to show their worth either in midfield or in that vacant striker position. I think Wigan pulls the mini-upset here.

Everton 1 Arsenal 2
Draws in the FA Cup aside, these two teams are going to continue to stay in that 5th-8th place range unless they can turn the “tables” soon. The Gunners are running out of time for their title run and/or top four finish. They are only a handful of points back from first place, but if they aren’t going to pull the trigger on any transfers, then they might as well kiss any title hopes goodbye. “Mmmwah… adios Title Hopes.” In the meantime, Everton are annually in this middle of the pack position. Because that’s exactly where they are… middle of the pack, especially considering the bottom 12 are separated by a whole 5 points. My alternate prediction: 0-0...this could be an exceptionally boring game as well.

Sign off: Don't chug 3 beers at once. It could be hazardous to your health.

Dobber's Match Day 23 Predictions

The Trio's league table is all tied up heading into Match Day 23, but there will be separation following our five selections for this weekend. The Dobber had a solid week last week with a 3-2 finish, including a spot-on call with Tottenham v. Portsmouth "Toilet Stinker Match of the Week." This week I'm looking to go a step further with at least a 4-1 record and storm the table for top prize. Watch out Ace and Eugene, the Dobber's coming for your bitch asses.

Tottenham 3 Stoke City 1
Dobber's getting things off to a fast start with the first prediction nailing the "Toilet Stinker Match of the Week" award for Match Day 23. Tottenham and Stoke are both circulating the proverbial relegation toilet bowl, and will be vying for 3 pts that can help make the difference between staying with the big boys or going down to the minors. Fortunately for Tottenham , they're offensive attack will find success over Stoke's defensive and will catapult Tottenham up towards the 12-14 spot of the table. Sorry Stoke, your ass is going to be relegated this season.

Portsmouth 1 Aston Villa 2
Aston Villa is trying to hold on to their 4th spot in the table and even though they're on the road, they'll be traveling to Portsmouth. These two teams have a interesting parallel in that Villa has a +13 goal differential, while Portsmouth is about the same at 12. Although the big difference is that Portsmouth is -12. So how is this an interesting parallel? It isn't. One club scores a lot more than they give up and the other club gives up much more than they score. Even at home, that doesn't bode well for Portsmouth. Villa will enter Portsmouth and walk away with 3 pts, keeping them ahead of Arsenal for that lucrative 4th CL spot for another week.

Manchester City 3 Newcastle 1
In a battle of two middle of the pack clubs, Man City hosts Newcastle in a match that could be over very early for Newcastle. Man City has an attack that is one of the best in the premier league and something tells the old Dobber that they'll want to show the club supporter's that they can still put points on the board without the services of Kaka. If this match was at Newcastle, I might give them a chance to sqweek out a draw, but with this meeting being held within the City of Manchester, Newcastle will leave with no points.

Wigan 1 Liverpool 1
At the beginning of the season, this looked like a sure winner for Liverpool. However with the events of the last few weeks, this match is shaping up to be quite the entertainer. Wigan has found success in 3 of their last 4 matches, with the only loser a 1-0 defeat at the Emirates. Meanwhile, Liverpool stuttered for a few weeks in December before back to back thrashings of Bolton and Newcastle. But they followed that up with a 1-1 draw at Anfield to Everton. So the question is, which Liverpool side will show up? I'm thinking it will be the underachievers and I'm betting on Wigan to slow down Liverpool's attack and find themselves with a much needed point at the final whistle.

Everton 1 Arsenal 2
Another relatively top bill this weekend sees Everton hosting Arsenal. Much of the talk this week has been surrounding the Gunners and their pursuit of Andrea Arshavin. Zenit is apparently holding Arshavin for ransom and have turned down the Gunners recent $15M Euro offer and set a Saturday night deadline for Arsenal to meet the clubs demands. Those demands have been rumored to be $20M Euros, so it's looking more likely Arshavin will not see the pitch at the Emirates this season. With all the worldwind around this situation, the Gunners must focus their attention on a dangerous opponent in Everton. While Everton has had a pretty solid attack so far this season, their back line has been suspect at times, and will be exposed once again by the Gunners. It won't be easy for the Gunners, but they'll get the late go ahead goal to secure 3 pts and put more pressure on Aston Villa.