Hello sports fans! I know it's been awhile since you've heard from the trio of morons, but we all have good excuses. Dobber had a kid (or so he says). Eugene was too busy buying his signature "Eugene Turk" Nikes online. And yours truly, Ace McGee, has been too busy with his new subscription to Playboy, if you know what I mean. Anyway, this past international break was interesting as the US squeaked out a draw versus El Salvador and then blew out TNT. Then Argentina got smacked down by Bolivia. Oh, and the Mexicans lost to Honduras. After seeing that last result, I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in all my life. F*CK Mexico.
Now on to the predictions!
Blackburn 2 Spurs 0
This game looks interesting. Yeah... it might almost be as exciting as watching shit stink. Spurs cannot handle the type of game that Big Sam wants to play. It will be your stereotypical "knock down, drag out" game, except Spurs won't be fighting back much. Rovers will get their usual set piece goal and who knows, maybe an actual run-of-play goal just for fun. Harry Houdini has just about run of magic tricks for this under-talented team that is also the frontrunner for the Gayest Team in England award.
Arsenal 3 Man City 1
Man City are slop. Arsenal are playing their best soccer of the year. I figure the return of Fabregas to the lineup will start off a bit sluggish, but in the end will be a huge factor as the Gunners keep up their goal-scoring run. Adebayor is supposed to be back up top alongside Van Persie, which I believe is one of, if not the best, strike partnerships in the league. Look for both teams to be on the offensive from start to finish. Having said that, Robinho or Ireland will be dangerous, but Almunia will deny all but one as the Gunners power and finesse their way to victory.
Fulham 1 Liverpool 3
I would love to see Fulham pull another upset in this fixture, but let's be honest... Liverpool are on a mission and will not falter. In fact, it may be worse than my prediction as the Reds run away with this one. The only thing that could possibly be a factor is that I'm sure the international break will affect Liverpool more. I don't know too many Cottagers playing for their country, except Deuce "Don't Tread on Me" Dempsey. To be completely honest, I'm not sure if I know 2 players on the entire Fulham squad. Is that bad considering they are my 2nd favorite BPL team? Ah who gives a rat's ass anyway. Go Fulham! Beat those bloody Reds!
Newcastle 1 Chelsea 2
I guess Shearer is back. I guess too that the question is whether or not he can turn a bunch of shit-kickers into a soccer team. Will his influence be enough to make a difference? Against Chelsea, I highly doubt it. I would recommend watching the first 20-30 minutes as it will be a back-and-forth contest with lots of passion and pace. However, when Chelsea go up 2-0, the game will lose its luster.
Man United 3 Aston Villa 0
I have a bad (ok it's actually really really good) feeling that Villa have gotten so of course that they will easily fall into 6th or 7th before it's all said and done. United are 2-time champs because they eat alive teams that have no confidence. This match will be over early as United dominate possession through physical play, skill, and most importantly, intelligence. Even if Villa are lucky enough to score the first goal, United's resolve is too strong not to equalize and push through. If that does happen (Villa scores first), I think it will be interesting to see if Villa sit back and defend or if they keep going forward. Will O'Neill want to preserve the points? Or will he believe it's more important to give his players that missing confidence by looking for more goals? Hmmm we shall see.
Until next time, get drunk as often as you can. Just don't get so messed up that you shit against a tree, fall forward, puke, and then pass out with your penis in an anthole.
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