BPL Predictions 02/28 - 03/01

Howdy y'all! Hey did you guys see Aston Villa lost to CSKA in UEFA Cup play this week? Yep. Vagner Love and Yury Zhirkov each netted for the Moscow club. I wonder if at any point in the match the commentator said, "Love to Zhirkov for the score!" or "Love has done well, but Zhirkov is much more fun to watch."

Sorry fans, I have no "Redneckiest" shirt award this week.


Bolton 1 Newcastle 0
Like a magician pulls a rabbit from a hat, somehow the Wanderers will pull a win out of their ass at the Reebok. I have had way too much faith in the Potpies, I mean Magpies, to be a better squad this year. However, they are as inconsistent as Arsenal and can’t seem to find goals in half of their games. They are probably due for a couple in this one, but Bolton hold them off.

Hull City 0 Blackburn 2
If I had lots of money to gamble with, I would put it all down on the Rovers in this one. I might be duped, but I’m pretty sure Hull might be in the drop zone before long… “Look out below!” says the entire city of Hull in one big, collective shout. Blackburn are too disciplined to lose against the Tigers, even on the road. Expect Santa Cruz, Roberts, and McCarthy to terrorize early and often. It could be worse than the score above.

Sunderland 1 Tottenham 1
Dobber will probably pick either of the above matches as his “Toilet Stinker,” but let’s be real here. We were all joking at the fact in pre-season that Sunderland were predicted to be a top ten team because they had acquired so many studs. The funny thing was that they were all Spurs-castaways (note: Spurs finished bottom ten last year). So what were they going to do? Take a bunch of overrated, undertalented players and mold them into stars? No no no. If this isn’t the “Toilet Stinker,” it is at least the “Greasy Fart Stain” match of the week.

Aston Villa 2 Stoke City 0
Why should Villa lose this game? No reason exists. I will laugh my ass off if they do though.

Arsenal 3 Fulham 1
Arsenal cannot keep squandering points in 0-0 draws each week. Wow! They are unbeaten in X-number of games in all competitions! Who gives a shit because they haven’t won half of them. Is this the week they finally break free from the bonds of negativity? I believe so because the Cottagers are at least halfway decent in attack and will not be able to resist the urge to push forward. I would like to see Deuce Dempsey in the limelight, but in the end would much rather see his side lose miserably. Don’t worry Deuce! You’ll be playing El Salvador soon enough!


Until next time... wash behind your ears, under your sack, and between your cheeks.