BPL Predictions 01/27 - 01/28

I saw a kid’s shirt today that read “In the spring I strut. In the fall I rut” and had a picture of a deer and a turkey on it. That pretty much sums it up boys... if you're a dumbass hilljack. I'm sure the ladies just come in swarms when they see big, dumb, camo-overall-toting morons wearing that high-class shirt. Git 'er dun!

I’m thinking that to numb my senses from this agonizing redneckiness, I will bring some joy to my life by thinking about our upcoming “weekday” extravaganza of BPL soccer!!! You’ll notice something strange about all my predictions… yep, they are all 2-1 scores. Why, you may ask? To the average dick, mine surpasses others in length and circumference almost by an almost 2:1 ratio. You don’t have to say it. I know it’s crazy. But it’s true. Now on to wisdom I shall pour forth unto thee.

Tottenham 2 Stoke 1
Spurs seem to be playing better once again after a bit of a slump through late December and earlier this month. Stoke has been better of late as well, but on the road they’re not very competitive. I see the final for this one ending in favor of Spurs considering Stoke are the only other team (besides Fulham) to be winless on the road so far this season. And the hits just keep on coming.

Portsmouth 2 Aston Villa 1
Ashley Young is out for the Villains, who could certainly use his pace against the slower, more “experienced” back line of Pompey. By experienced I mean older and more decrepit. HOWEVER, I’m sticking to my guns (noisy cricket in the left hand and tommy gun in the right) of 2-1 wins, and since I have it out for Villa and in my spite and bitterness will predict against them every week, I choose Pompey here in a battle of midfields. In the end, the quality of Kranjcaar and Crouch will prove costly for Villa in their quest to secure a 4th place spot.

Man City 1 Newcastle 2
What an awesome fixture...“this suit is black”…Not. Robinho’s infamous departure for his native Brazil will not help the cause at City. They already stink without him, and he is by far their best playmaker, scorer, defender, and probably goalkeeper. Newcastle pick up much needed points on the road in what is probably a decent game with a lot of open play.

Wigan 2 Liverpool 1
This is my “Old Man is Snoring” pick of the week. Liverpool come off their draw with Everton and now hit a bump in the road of their quest for PL trophy glory. Wigan’s recent sale of Heskey probably hurts a bit up top, but it does allow for some fresh blood to show their worth either in midfield or in that vacant striker position. I think Wigan pulls the mini-upset here.

Everton 1 Arsenal 2
Draws in the FA Cup aside, these two teams are going to continue to stay in that 5th-8th place range unless they can turn the “tables” soon. The Gunners are running out of time for their title run and/or top four finish. They are only a handful of points back from first place, but if they aren’t going to pull the trigger on any transfers, then they might as well kiss any title hopes goodbye. “Mmmwah… adios Title Hopes.” In the meantime, Everton are annually in this middle of the pack position. Because that’s exactly where they are… middle of the pack, especially considering the bottom 12 are separated by a whole 5 points. My alternate prediction: 0-0...this could be an exceptionally boring game as well.

Sign off: Don't chug 3 beers at once. It could be hazardous to your health.