BPL Predictions 01/17 - 01/19

I told the boys this week had some interesting matchups. Of course, I'm right. The most impressive thing though is that I still enter this weekend at the top of this fixture table. A 4-4 record isn't bad I suppose... better than my two quack opponents. Therefore, I've decided to let loose a little this week and add a bit of spice to my picks. So, without much further ado, I present to you my picks for Round 23 or whatever it is. I trust you will sit back, kick your feet up on the back of your enslaved midget hooker, grab a big bottle of chihuahua piss to imbibe on, and check these out.


Hull City 0 Arsenal 2
I cannot say with a lot of confidence that Arsenal will easily win this match, but I can say that at least Hull City will come after the Gunners. It’s at their crib, and they will be “gunning” for the points like they earned away at the Emirates, aka The Stadium of Flight. Get it.

Anyway, if Hull is not putting TEN STINKING MEN BEHIND THE BALL LIKE THOSE PUSSIES FROM BOLTON AND ANY OTHER TEAM WHO SUCKS BALLS, then it should be an interesting match. I can even see Hull putting one in the back of the net. However, Arsenal should maintain the majority of possession, like usual, and that they will find a consistent connection from midfield to the strikers up top. Let the “shots on goal” parade begin.


Tottenham 2 Portsmouth 1
I actually cannot believe I just had Spurs winning a match. While it’s true that Portsmouth is 3 points up on the Pansies with the Chicken Logo, it’s obvious that Portsmouth is on a freefall. I don’t agree with Eugene Turk’s madness that Portsmouth will be playing for a return to the BPL this time next season, but I can say that they are vulnerable at the moment. It only makes sense that they boys from Tottenham will take advantage of other boys at their weakest hour.


Liverpool 3 Everton 1
“Ever…ton! Ever…ton! Is anyone Ever…gon…na care?!”

Ol’ Dobber said last week something about a “Stinker” pick or something. Welp, this match has the potential to smell like Eugene’s ass after a drunk-on-tequila Sunday barbeque. The Reds romp and ask Everton’s mothers how they like it.


Sunderland 1 Aston Villa 0
Yeah yeah, call me crazy. Most likely I am, but I have a feeling that Sunderland will protect their homestead like Dobber protects his monthly edition of Playgirl. Who knows? The Villains are still riding high in that Champions League fourth position, but who says they will actually hang on? The colder months affect every team, and it’s time the Villains fall.

Manchester City 2 Wigan 2
Believe it or not, but this match might be the most intriguing of them all. Did anybody notice that Wigan is currently in 7th place? How the hell did that happen?

I digress for a moment... Wigan lost 1-0 midweek to Man United on a 1st minute goal. On one hand one could say they’re not very good if they’re giving up first minute goals. On the other hand one could ponder how they didn’t concede a single goal the rest of the way. You know that United wasn’t backing down, and you know that the Latics were trying to score. In the end, they couldn’t put home an equalizer, but they did send a warning that maybe 7th isn’t as ridiculous as you might think.

Anyway, since Man City hasn’t spent another 50 million pounds on anybody just yet, I’m not sure if they have a big enough payroll to win this one (sarcasm- sɑr kæz əm- 1. harsh or bitter derision or irony. 2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark). I figure this one will have some good goals in it, and if a winner is involved, it is sure to prove a momentum-builder for whoever nets it.

I guess I should have a cool sign-off like Eugene...
Until next time, remember to wipe after you dump. Later morons.